Words of the year for 2020 – or through history – no surprise

You know how the Screen Actors Guild and the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes all pick the best movies of the year? Well, a variety of different organizations also pick the word of the year.

In 2020, the choice was simple. While organizations didn't all pick the same word – more on that in a moment – they all picked words centered around the same theme: COVID-19.

Merriam-Webster, considered the gold standard of dictionaries by those of us old enough to remember owning a dictionary as a book, picked pandemic. That was based on a statistical analysis of words looked up in the company's on-line dictionary.

Dictionary.com, considered the gold standard of dictionaries by those who think only old people would remember owning a print edition of a dictionary, reached the same conclusion: Pandemic was the word of the year. Curiously, Dictionary.com asked readers to vote on the word of the year after announcing that pandemic was chosen. Readers selected unprecedented, which was the first time something like that happened (Does anyone know a term that means "the first time something like that happened?").

Oxford Dictionary, considered the gold standard of dictionaries by those compete in rowing for prestigious British universities, didn't settle on one word, but picked 47. That's right, 47 words of the year. Pandemic and the conspiracy-fueled plandemic both made the list, as did a bunch of other COVID-19-related words, some of which I'd never heard: Blursday, Zoombombing, Workation.

Collins Dictionary, considered the gold standard of dictionaries by people whose last name is Collins, chose lockdown as its word of the year.

The word of the year is often obvious. In 2000, it was chad, (referring either to the "hanging chads" in Florida that clouded the 2000 presidential election results or to my oldest son, who turned 10 that year). In 2016, the word of the year was surreal, because a lot of stuff happened in 2016 (some of which was reversed in 2020).

Remember 1952, when Queen Elizabeth rose to the crown in England? The phrase future Netflix miniseries was that year's choice.

Go back to 1903, when the Wright Brothers were the first to fly an airplane. That year, the phrase of the year was overhead bin.

Remember 1789, the year that the Constitution was ratified by Congress? Unsurprisingly, the phrase of that year was Hamilton tickets, although people didn't know why it was so important.

In 1347, when the Black Plague hit Europe and began and killed 30% to 60% of Europeans? No surprise, plandemic was one of two words of that year, as was misery (to be fair, misery was the word of the year for every year from 700 through 1700).

In 480 BC, when Athens was in what's popularly known as "The Golden Age of Athenian Democracy," the word of the year was Opa! (Strange, because I've always believed that "Grease" is the word.)

Going back to 42,000 BC, the word of the year wasn't printed , but was a cave painting of a stick figure lurking in the background of a painting of a buffalo. Scientists identified the word of the year from that year as cavedrawingbombing.

Let's hope that 2021 brings a more hopeful word of the year. Maybe recovery. Or healthy. Maybe unity.

Heck, I'd be content with Hamilton tickets, Opa! or even overhead bin.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Days are definitely getting longer (than 70 million years ago)

What would you do with an extra week every year?

What if to get that extra week, you lost a half-hour every day?

If you want to make that trade, just travel back in time. Seventy million years back, before we had Starbucks or McDonald's. A long time ago.

A study in the American Geophysical Union journal Paleoceanography and Paleoclimatology (for which I don't payleo for a subscription, get it?) reports that the Earth spun faster at the end of the time of the dinosaurs than it does now. It rotated seven more times every year, giving the ancient years 372 days, but shortening the days to 23½ hours.

The information comes from a study of fossil mollusk shells from the late Cretaceous at the end of the Mesozoic Era.

(Admission: I copied and pasted that information, to be sure I spelled the words correctly. Including the word "the.")

Anyway, scientists were able to use the fact that the mollusks have daily growth rings (really. Isn't that amazing?). Scientists used lasers to create slices and then count the growth rings. Long story short, that method reveals the number of days in a year and the length of a day.

There was a bunch of other stuff in the report, including words like "photosynthetic symbionts," "bivalves" and "animal," which led me to think about the drummer on the Sesame Street band,  Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem, which has nothing to do with this column.

But the basics are important: A long time ago, the days were shorter and  years had an extra week. Kind of the opposite of the old saying about raising young kids: The days are long, the years are short.

Also there was this: The study showed that the ocean was much, much, much warmer 70 million years ago. The ocean would exceed 100 degrees in the summer and was often 85 degrees  in the winter. In other words, there was little need for a hot tub in the old (shorter) days.

So travel back 70 million years and here's the problems you'd have to solve:

You'd have to figure out how to navigate a day that's 30 minutes shorter. Would you ask to work less? Sleep less? Skip a shower? This wouldn't be a one-day thing, it would be an everyday thing. Seven days a week. Three-hundred-seventy-two days a year.

That's another problem. You'd have to change some sayings. Instead of 24-7-365, you'd have to tell someone that you're committed to something 23½-7-372. That might take some getting used to.

On the other hand, the year would be a week longer. Do you think employers would add a week of vacation? Me neither. Just more work days, I guess. (A conclusion partly based on watching "The Flintstones," which was set sometime near the era covered. Fred and Barney had to work a lot of days.)

For me, the shocking part of the article came near the end:

"The length of a year has been constant over Earth’s history, because Earth’s orbit around the Sun does not change. But the number of days within a year has been shortening over time because days have been growing longer. The length of a day has been growing steadily longer as friction from ocean tides, caused by the Moon’s gravity, slows Earth’s rotation."

There you have it. If you thought days longer the past year, you were right. Every year, days get longer. Over 70 million years, we've added a half-hour a day. It may be microscopic, but days are longer now than they were when we were young.

That's something you can count on, 23½-7-372.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

 

 

 

Advertising tips to make the most of 2021's myriad holidays

When it comes to advertising, not everybody can be Nike ("Just Do It") or Budweiser ("The King of Beers"). For many advertisers, the secret sauce isn't coming up with a clever slogan ("Breakfast of Champions," "Finger-Licking Good"), but tying your product to something everyone loves.

Holidays.

I'm talking about advertisements that come out around Halloween that say something like, "Prices at Stanhope Foods are so low, they're scary! They're not a trick, they're a treat for you, the customer!" Or those that come out around Easter: "It's an egg-stravaganza of savings! Hop on down to Stanhope Auto and resurrect your savings."

Maybe not that extreme, but close – and they're great. As a longtime writer and consumer of advertising, I present suggestions to tie products to a variety of holidays, which will help the product and (coincidentally!) bring additional advertising revenue to the newspaper.

These are the pitches for an imaginary business, Stanhope Products. Insert your company's name for a sense of realism, then contact this newspaper's advertising department and wait for the money to start pouring in.

Going through the year:

• Martin Luther King Jr. Day: "At Stanhope Products, we have a dream . . . that we can save you up to 50% on specially marked items!"
• Groundhog Day: "Whether Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not, one thing is certain: There will be at least six more weeks of great deals at Stanhope Products!"
• Valentine's Day: "At Stanhope Products, we're smitten with low prices. You'll love our selection!"
• President's Day: "Whether you drive a Lincoln or a Ford, we won't take you for Grant(ed). One sale of Stanhope Products is worth two in the Bush(es)."
• St. Patrick's Day: "You don't need the 'luck of the Irish' to get a good deal at Stanhope Products. Come down and get half off all of everything, including a full selection of Patty O'Furniture!"
• Cinco de Mayo: "It's a fiesta of savings at Stanhope Products!"
• Mother's Day: "We've got the mother of all great deals at Stanhope Products. Mom will celebrate you for these bargains!"
• Flag Day: "Stars and stripes may be forever, but these great prices can't last! Come and enjoy the (old) glory of huge savings!"
• Independence Day: "On Independence Day, we'll save you a Fourth of the price. That's right, 25% off at Stanhope Products!"
• Labor Day: "We'll do the work if you do the purchasing. Everything you buy at Stanhope Products will be carried to your car on Labor Day!"
• Yom Kippur: "You'll really be in mourning if you miss the best-of-the-year prices at Stanhope Products!"
• Columbus Day: "Time to discover new savings at Stanhope Products and with every $100, we'll throw in a free case of smallpox!"
• End of daylight saving time: "At Stanhope Products, our prices will make you fall back in amazement!"
• Veterans Day: "Thank you for your service. And speaking of service, nobody has better service than Stanhope Products. Come on down and see!"
• Thanksgiving: "Don't be a turkey! Come and take advantage of Stanhope Products' super-low prices by 'stuffing' your cart full of our inventory. You'll be extra thankful this year!"
• Christmas Day: "The three wise men agree: There's nowhere with better service and prices than Stanhope Products. Get your (Santa) claws on our deals!"
• New Year's Eve: "It's a day of 'auld low prices' as we ring out the old year at Stanhope Products!"

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

 

 

The definitive power rankings for office supplies

 

In a couple of months, it will be a year since I last worked at my office. Since March 16, 2020, my office has been the same as my kitchen: A laptop, two screens, a mouse and a few notepads.

At some point, I'll return. I like working from home, but I'm confident that Mrs. Brad will vote for my return to the workplace. I don't blame her. She's worked from home for a while and likes solitude. Being in the house with someone who chats people up a lot is not solitude.

Frankly, I miss the office. Especially the office supplies.

We take them for granted because they're always there. Today, to kick off a new year and prepare for the eventual (perhaps) return to the office for those of us who work in offices and cubicles, I present the definitive ranking of office supplies:

10. Staples/Staplers. I presume they're expensive, but who knows? For more than 30 years, I've relied on my workplace to supply them. Before that, I relied on schools. Do staples cost $1 for a bunch or do they cost $100? I don't know.

9. Thumb tacks. Like staples, they're out of sight, out of mind. When needed, it's great to have a stash in a supply closet.

8. Mouses (mice?) and mouse pads. We take a computer mouse for granted until we need one. Then it's desperate. Most offices have IT people to (reluctantly) help, but it's convenient to have a graveyard of old mice that still work, like we do in the supply room at my office.

7. Printer paper. I don't use a printer much, but when I do, it's nice to not pay for the paper or the ink. But now that I think about it, maybe this choice should be "printer."

6. Highlighters. Want to highlight a document? If you're at home, you'll spend 15 minutes looking for that one, only to find that it is dry. At an office, you can always find a good highlighter.

5. Paper clips. They don't seem important until you need one and you probably don't have many sitting around. The variety of sizes for paper clips is an ongoing fascination for me. Jumbo-sized clips are fantastic.

4. Notebooks. Even though I do most of my work on a computer, I still write down ideas and keep track of processes. By the end of last May, I was looking around our house for partially used notebooks that I could use for work. If only we had a big supply closet!

3. Coffee. Nearly every office supplies coffee, therefore, it's an office supply. Many of us took it for granted until we had to keep making our own coffee every day. Coffee isn't cheap.

2. Post-it Notes. I love these and use them constantly. To write down ideas. To remind me who to contact for important information. To record predictions made by co-workers. My office is filled with Post-in Notes. At home? None. I miss them.

1. Pens. This is my office-supply weakness. Pre-pandemic, I traveled to about a half-dozen conferences per year and the main thing I brought back was a backpack filled with pens. I have a drawer-full at my office, but . . . they're all  at my office. I didn't think the shutdown would last so long, so I didn't grab any. I lament their absence. Pens in my desk are great. Pens in the supply closet are still good. I love pens.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.