I could use a tip on when and to whom to provide a tip

Before the pandemic hit and changed everything, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about tips.

Pre-pandemic, I was of the opinion that establishments where you pay at the counter had found the perfect way to inspire greater tips: Shame.

In recent years, the "cash register" (I show my age) evolved to a person behind the counter spinning a tablet toward you, where you insert your credit card and sign with your finger. The trick? It routinely has an option to tip. Kind of an option.

More like an expectation.

Because there are people in line behind you. Everyone behind you can see the screen (to be fair, they're probably not looking, but you can't tell).

We almost always tip, paying extra for someone to stand at a counter and take our order to avoid shame.

Tips are complicated. While some been on hold for the past several months – and may remain so for several months – there are a host of people who we are supposed to tip. More than I knew before doing some research.

Of course, you tip waiters at a restaurant. You tip a pizza delivery person. You tip a cab or rideshare driver. However, you're supposed to tip nearly all service providers, something explained by an article in Business Insider.

Some are obvious: airport shuttle drivers, bartenders, bellhops. People who cut hair. (All things that have largely disappeared since mid-March.)

But that's not the end.

We're supposed to tip bathroom attendants (I'll consider this if I ever go somewhere that has one. I would think someone standing around in the bathroom is just a random creep). We're supposed to tip babysitters. Dog groomers. Furniture delivery people. Garbage collectors. Hotel housekeeping staff. Mail carriers. Package delivery people. Plumbers.

I always figured plumbers, mail carriers, garbage collectors and dog groomers received enough pay for doing their jobs. Am I supposed to subsidize what they earn from their employers? If I'm doing so, am I just allowing the fat-cat owner of the dog grooming place to get rich by underpaying his staff? Probably.

If I'm supposed to tip service providers, do I only tip people who earn less annually than me?

When I learned that many people tip the housekeepers at hotels and motels, I felt like a stooge. I have never even thought about that.

Babysitters? The Business Insider article suggested a 10 percent tip – although it's suggested as a holiday bonus. (My workaround: Don't hire a babysitter during the holiday period.)

I'm not sure how I could even tip a garbage collector, since I live in a place with community bins (I presume money I left would be taken by someone or sorted into the correct recycling container). Same with a mail carrier (would an envelope with cash wind up in the dead-letter bin?).

Maybe if babysitters, hotel housekeepers and plumbers just had one of those new cash register tablets, it would be easier. I might not want to tip, but the possible shame of embarrassment would force me to do so.

Problem solved, once we figure out this pandemic.

Until then, tip mask-wearers.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

Power rankings for Bay Area sports figures

After a unique period in American sports history, we now enter another unique period in American sports history.

Over the next two weeks, the four major American team sports will launch or re-launch their seasons, beginning with baseball's opening day Thursday. That will be followed in short order by  the opening of NFL training camps July 28, the re-start of the NBA season (without the Warriors) July 30 and the re-start of the NHL season (without the Sharks) Aug. 1. Major League Soccer is already playing.

Knowing that there's no guarantee that the seasons will be played to a conclusion, this is as good a time as any to re-examine the most important people in Bay Area sports.

So here we go, with the official power rankings of Bay Area sports personnel (note: Las Vegas Raiders personnel not eligible).

10. Chris Wondolowski, Earthquakes. The greatest player in San Jose soccer history is one of the greatest players in MLS history. That's enough for this list.

9. Joe Thornton, Sharks. Thornton – who may retire this summer – has played for San Jose since 2005, which means he was playing professionally in the Bay Area when 49ers star Nick Bosa was 7. He's the NHL franchise's Willie Mays.

8. Steve Kerr, Warriors. The combination of three championships and his communication skills (he was a top-level analyst on TV, he's brilliant in interviews) make him elite. Players, media and opponents all like him.

7. Matt Chapman, Athletics. A's shortstop Marcus Semien was a finalist for the American League MVP last year, but Chapman is the team's best player. He's a power hitting third baseman with charisma who is also eligible for arbitration (and a big pay raise) next year. That probably means a trade is coming–such is the plight of the A's fan.

6. Jimmy Garoppolo, 49ers. The quarterback would have contended for the No. 1 spot had he led his team to a Super Bowl championship, but they fell one game short.  Playing this position – starting quarterback for the 49ers – is almost a virtual lock for the top 10 (I had Tim Rattay in the top 10 in 2004).

5. Klay Thompson, Warriors. A beloved figure whose apparent disinterest in anything but basketball and his dog make him even more likable. The big question is how he returns for the 2020-2021 season (presuming there is one) after sitting out this year with a knee injury. Don't bet against him.

4. George Kittle, 49ers. He's the best tight end in the NFL and he has a huge personality that fans love. Kittle is the greatest tight end in franchise history and he's 26.

3. Kyle Shanahan, 49ers. He became the 49ers coach at age 37 with big expectations and somehow surpassed them. 49ers fans have seen this before and hope Shanahan is more like Bill Walsh than Jim Harbaugh.

2. Buster Posey, Giants. A three-time champion, Rookie of the Year and  MVP is a candidate for the Mount Rushmore of San Francisco Giants players, which is saying something. When Posey elected to sit out this season to protect the health of his adopted premature twins, he moved up in the public's estimation.

1. Stephen Curry, Warriors. The greatest shooter in NBA history. One of the great teammates in NBA history. One of the great face-of-the-franchise players in NBA history. Curry has won three championships. He's the greatest Warriors player ever. He's the No. 1 sports figure in the Bay Area and it's not even close. He's nearing Willie Mays-Joe Montana status as the greatest Bay Area sports figure in history.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

Lessons from another unhappy American year

We haven't been this unhappy as a nation since before 1972, when "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" was the nation's most popular book.

According to a May survey taken by NORC (formerly the National Opinion Research Center) at the University of Chicago, only 14 percent of American adults consider themselves very happy, down from 31 percent two years earlier. Nearly one-fourth of people surveyed said they were unhappy.

Those figures are the saddest since the survey began in 1972, when Americans were reading a book about a seagull who was learning about . . . well, that's all I need to say. The protagonist in the top book of 1972 was a seagull. Yeah, Americans had reason to be unhappy in 1972.

We're sadder now.

In 1972, the Vietnam War was still going, Northern Ireland was in turmoil and the most popular song was the spectacularly depressing, "Alone Again, Naturally."

Yet we're sadder now.

More reason for unhappiness in 1972: On Christmas Eve, the 49ers and the Raiders each lost excruciating NFL playoff games: the 49ers blew a 28-13 lead to the Cowboys, the Raiders lost on the "Immaculate Reception" pass to Franco Harris.

In 1972, we were an unhappy nation. Yet we're sadder now.

We're past the "Alone Again, Naturally" level of sadness.

That's what a years of political hostility, a global pandemic, an economic collapse and unrest in the streets will do. They'll make you sad.

The survey also found that Americans are less optimistic about their children's future than they have been in 25 years, going back to 1994. To be fair, there was reason to think the future was dim in 1994: That was the year of the baseball strike and O.J. Simpson trial. Grunge music was at its peak, so parents envisioned a future of children wearing flannel shirts, torn-up jeans and long, dirty hair. Of course parents were pessimistic.

We're similarly pessimistic now.

Anger is also on the rise. More Americans (30 percent) say they've lost their temper than even after the Kennedy assassination in 1963 of the terrorist attacks of 2001. Presumably, that's due to being stuck inside with people for (checks watch) coming up on four months.

So what should we do? Did the convergence of a pandemic, social justice issues, an ugly presidential election and the rise of YouTube stars make it inevitable that we'd be unhappy? Is there a way out?

History suggests yes.

Just look to 1973 (although to be clear, we're sadder than we were in 1972).After "Alone Again, Naturally" was the top song in 1972, "Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Oak Tree" was tops in 1973. Happy enough for you? "American Graffiti" and "The Sting" were released in movie theaters in 1973. Secretariat won the Triple Crown. The Paris Peace Accords brought an end to U.S. involvement in Vietnam.

(Pay no attention to the oil embargo and the Watergate hearings. They mess up my point.)

Will Americans be happier again? I say yes. This is what we do. We bounce back. We face adversity, grovel in misery for a while, then rebound.

Things have to get better, right?

Right?

Our happiness level is at the lowest level in a generation, but like Jonathan Livingston Seagull learned, there's hope.

Things will turn around.

And if it doesn't get better, I call dibs on writing the follow-up to 1972's top book.

Jonathan Livingston Sequel.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

You are significantly cooler than Abe Lincoln

You are cooler than your great grandparents.  You are also cooler than Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses Grant.

Partly because you like better music and you can quote popular movies. Your haircuts are better, your sunglasses look sharper and your social media profile is better. You don't wear a goofy stovepipe hat (I'm talking about your great-grandmother, not Lincoln!).

But the main reason you are cooler is because you are literally cooler.

The normal body temperature for humans has dropped more than 1 degree over the past 150 years.

Seriously.

Pretty soon we'll be as cool as the other side of the pillow. And we'll continue to get cooler, presumably.

Remember when you learned that the normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees? That was an immutable fact, like that water boils at 212 degrees, water freezes at 32 degrees, bad-tasting medicine is good for you and the Dodgers lose in October.

Facts. Especially the facts about the freezing temperature of water and the Dodgers in October.

However, Stanford University researchers recently discovered that the average body temperature for humans is 97.5 degrees.

It's fallen by more than 1 degree!

The 98.6 standard is so 19th century. If someone tells you that's the normal temperature, I hope they're riding in a stagecoach, planting crops at  their homestead and worrying about getting consumption.

The 98.6-degree standard, which seemed set in stone, came from a 1851 study, when German doctor Carl Wunderlich studied the average armpit temperature of 25,000 patients. (That 25,000 Germans were willing to let a doctor stick a foot-long mercury-filled thermometer in their armpit for 20 minutes in 1851 might go a long way toward explaining a World War I and World War II, right?)

Wunderlich published a study on his findings in 1868. Modern researchers reviewed his work, then studied data from subsequent studies.  While they couldn't vouch for all the specifics of the earlier studies, nothing jumped out as an outlier. The studies seemed legitimate.

People in 1851 did have an average temperature of 98.6 degrees.

But over time, humans cooled down. Now the average temperature of  97.5 degrees.

Our temperature is dropping.

Of course, as all doctors will tell you when pressed, there's no "normal" temperature. Just like there's no "normal" childhood, "normal" hair or "normal" obsession about 1970s and 1980s pop culture and sports. (The last may have been something I've said to myself.)

There's no normal, but there's an average.

Here's something else you might not know: Our temperature varies over the course of a day.

A 1992 study found that people's temperature varied, starting lower and hitting a peak in the late afternoon. That, by the way, is remarkably similar to summer days.

But the big news here is that human temperatures have dropped.

Scientists suggest several possible reasons. We now spend more time in climate-controlled settings. We get fewer infectious diseases (at least until this year). We have better clothing. Our bodies can literally chill, compared to those of our 1851 ancestors.

As our society has progressed, our bodies have cooled.

As we continue through the strangest year of our lives, threatened by a worldwide pandemic, we can take comfort in some good news.

We are cooler than our great grandmothers. We are likely cooler than our grandfathers.

There may have been some cool people in the 1800s and early 1900s, but we're cooler than them.

But let me make this much clear: If your normal body temperature is 97.5, mine is probably 97.1.

Because I'm cooler than Abraham Lincoln. And I'm cooler than you.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.