It's one of life's great questions, along with "What is the meaning of life?" "Why is there evil?" "What our our inalienable rights?" and "Who let the dogs out?"
Today's question: What is the most important kitchen appliance?
In other words, if you could keep just one kitchen appliance, which would you pick?
Shaped by 11 weeks of working 10 feet from my kitchen, I'm prepared issue the official power rankings for appliances.
As with all my rankings – greatest generations, greatest modern inventions, greatest punctuation marks, greatest days of the week, greatest minor holidays – I use a strict mathematical formula that includes . . . uh . . . my opinion.
Feel free to disagree. The Constitution guarantees us the right to disagree about the most important kitchen appliances and I suspect the Supreme Court will rule that it applies beyond the kitchen, which may come in handy if this pandemic goes on long enough. I'm working on a power rankings for the closet, but we'll see.
Anyway, I've ranked the top five kitchen appliances. Obviously, there are more than five appliances in most kitchens. If you're interested, three fell just outside the rankings: Dishwasher (convenient, but there's clear backup), blender (Mrs. Brad uses ours, I've never used it.), trash compactor (listed for my amusement. Do they still exist?).
But let's move to the top five kitchen appliances, in reverse order:
5. Toaster. For straight-up utility, this is a remarkable tool that hasn't been improved much since it took its current form in the early 1900s. The arrival of the "toaster oven" improved utility, but this appliance still operates largely like it did in 1910: Turn it on and bread becomes toast. The offensive lineman of kitchen appliances. Reliable.
4. Coffee maker. This ranks high because the panic that ensues if you think your coffee maker is broken. A few months ago, my coffee machine didn't start. I almost hyperventilated, wondering how I could make coffee, until I realized a breaker had been thrown.
3. Oven/stove. Crucial for virtually all cooking. Lose this appliance and you lose the ability to make many significant meals. Of course, you'd also lose the ability to scar your hand – either on the burner that you forgot was turned on or a hot rack in the oven.
2. Refrigerator. Imagine a time traveler from 100 years ago visiting your kitchen. The thing that would amaze them the most is that we can keep food cold without having to have the ice man (a real job, not legendary NBA star George Gervin) come by every couple of days. Lose the fridge and you lose a lot, but if it went away, you could have a solution: The ice man cometh (which was a great gag on Broadway in 1946. Trust me.).
1. Microwave. Four decades ago, this was exotic (I remember game shows, where people would compete for the "Amana Radarange,") but now it's essential–both for being able to cook or reheat most of our meals, but also because it's the backup for most other appliances. Did your oven break down? Use the microwave. Coffee maker? Use the microwave. Refrigerator? Well, not quite. But you get the point. If I had to keep just one appliance in my kitchen, it would be my microwave.
The microwave oven is the Michael Jordan of kitchen appliances.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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