'The Martin Van Buren of days': Ranking days of the week

There is no restaurant named "TGI Mondays." Elton John didn't sing "Tuesday night's all right for fighting."

There's a reason. We don't really like Monday and Tuesday. We like the weekend. Or at least it seems like it.

But how do the days rank? Nobody ever takes the time to scientifically rank the days of the week, from worst to best. Until now.

Following are my power rankings for the days of the week, starting with the obvious No. 7:

7. Monday. The start of the traditional work and school week, we lament this day. It's instructive that nearly all songs about Monday are sad: "Rainy Days and Mondays," "Blue Monday," "Manic Monday, "Monday, Monday." Monday is the worst day. It is to the days of the week what Sneezy is to the Seven Dwarfs. Last.

6. Tuesday. The forgotten child of the days. We don't even have an opinion about Tuesday – people talk about the weekend and Monday and Friday. People even talk about Wednesday. Tuesday? A humble day. If I didn't know I needed to rank seven days, I might have left out Tuesday. Tuesday is to days of the week what Martin Van Buren is to presidents: Forgotten.

5. Sunday. This is the day I go to church, where most of my important relationships exist. This is also a weekend day and when most NFL games are played. Those are all positives. Negatives? Sunday night is often the saddest night of the week for those of us who work or attend school Monday through Friday. Also, Sunday is the recipient of all the undone chores that were ignored Saturday. Sunday is to days what Alice was to the Brady Bunch: Fun, but a reminder that work needs to be done.

4. Wednesday. The day in the middle of the week is the day in the middle of the rankings. That it outranks the three days that precede it is partly because of the amusing Geico commercial for "hump day." Wednesday is the start of a downhill roll to the weekend. Wednesday is . . . the Wednesday of days of the week, which is the most Wednesday thing possible.

3. Friday. This was considered the favorite day of the week since the advent of the five-day work week, but I suspect the rise of flexible work schedules has diminished its popularity. Survey 100 people and they might say Friday is their favorite day. But force them to think about it and they might change their mind, because Friday is overrated. You still work or go to school. It's not the weekend yet. Friday is the Steve Jobs of days: Overrated.

2. Thursday. Thursday's ranking comes from its symbolic meaning. When it's Thursday, it's almost the weekend (and for people who work four-day weeks, it often is the weekend). If Thursday were a month, it would be April, which  heralds the coming of summer. While I haven't watched network TV for a while, I presume Thursday still has a killer prime-time schedule, with NBC showing "The Cosby Show," "Cheers" and "Night Court." And maybe "L.A. Law?" Thursday is the Draymond Green of days. People think it's good, don't realize it's great.

1. Saturday. The perfect mix of relaxation and promise. When Saturday arrives, the regular work-week people have flexibility to do what we want, whether it's housework, recreation or anything else. You can sleep in. You can also postpone difficult weekend chores and tell yourself it will be done Sunday (See above). "Saturday Night Live," is on TV and "Saturday in the Park," is the greatest song with a day of the week in the title (FYI, No. 2 is "Monday, Monday," No. 3 is "Sunday Morning Coming Down"). If Saturday was an actress, it would be Meryl Streep.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.