An updated version of the SAT to get you into college

The Scholastic Aptitude Test is struggling, which seems only fair: The SAT has caused students to struggle for decades.

The standardized test, taken by millions of college-bound students every year, was an early victim of COVID-19. Students could no longer sit in a crowded lunchroom at their high school and pore over the three-hour test.

Lucky for them.

The SAT people tried to adjust, switching to an at-home test. Of course, that brought it's own set of issues – most notably the fact that it required three hours of uninterrupted internet access, which is no guarantee. (Also presumably an issue: The use of a smartphone to check answers.)

Colleges have historically required students to take the SAT or the rival American College Testing (ACT) exam – they are the Giants and Dodgers of college-board tests – for admission. The better you score on the test, the better your chances for admission–assuming you have good grades, your parents know someone in admissions or your family can pay someone to create a fictitious resume to get you in the school.

But now, after years of criticism that the ACT and SAT had cultural biases that made them unreliable, the pandemic finally sidelined the SAT – and the University of California system announced it would phase out the ACT and SAT.

So what to do? Is there an answer? How can we determine whether students are ready for college?

I have the solution. As a college graduate (Electoral College, Class of '86; University of Hard Knocks, Class of '89), I prepared an exam to test potential college students. It's Stanhope Aptitude Test (New SAT), so decrease (or possibly increase) confusion.

The beauty of the New SAT is it takes just a few minutes to complete.

You're on the honor system, so please don't check your phone unless you really need to do so. A perfect score is 2,000 points.

Feel free to take the test, then ask the questions of a 17-year-old.

• Math: There are three cars with a total of 15 passengers. If one car has four more passengers than either of the other two, what was the name of the character who was the manager on "The Partridge Family?"
• Geography: Washington is the westernmost state in the continental United States  and is the home of Mount St. Helens. If Mount St. Helens erupted again, like it did in 1980, would Michael Jordan or LeBron James be the greatest player in NBA history?
• English: Write a sentence of five words or more that describes your favorite type of pizza and then state whether you think thin crust or thick crust is better.
• History: The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776 and the Constitution was signed in 1789, a 13-year gap. With that in mind, what is your favorite TV streaming service?
• Science: If water freezes at 32 degrees Fahrenheit and turns to a gas at 212 degrees Fahrenheit, can you come up with a single good reason, other than the box office, that they made the third Hunger Games book into two movies? Especially since the book was clearly the worst of the three.

Thank you for taking the New SAT. Be sure to provide a copy of this column with your score as you submit  your college application.

Read Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.