Irrational war on germs a form of self-hatred

We all know, "it takes a village to raise a child." But how about this: "It takes 14,000 times the world's population to create a body."

Because that's literally true. Not a population of humans, but (and germophobes, please grab a paper bag into which to breathe to avoid hyperventilating), microbes. The average human has more than 100 trillion microbes in and on his or her (let's face it: His) body. Put another way, we're 90 percent microbial, 10 percent human, according to several studies.

We're more microbe than human!

Even if those statistics are slightly off, they're close. According to another study, we're made up of 40 trillion bacteria and 30 trillion human cells – still more bacteria than human, but closer. It's a 40-30 split, favoring bacteria. (And in the spirit of transparency, microbes and bacteria may not be the same thing. In fact, they're probably different. But they're both germy.)

The main takeaway? Quit worrying about touching the restroom door at work. Those aren't your enemies, they're your brothers!

Consider this fact, shared by the leader of the National Institutes of Health's Human Microbiome Project: Each of us carries around 3 to 5 pounds of bacteria. Three to 5 pounds! That's like a bag of sugar, but filled with bacteria!

Think about that the next time you're squirting Purell on your hands. Or eating a bag of sugar.

The extreme battle against germs has long been confounding to those of us who are rational. Germs are impossible to avoid (again: you have more bacteria cells than human cells in what constitutes "you"). Exposure to germs helps build up your immune system (unless your immune system is compromised to the extent of the character played by John Travolta in the 1976 TV movie "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble"). Your ancestors lived in dirt hovels, bathed monthly and ate food with filthy hands – and survived to create the next generation.

But this new information (at least it's new to me) changes everything. It confirms that I'm right when I make fun of people who refuse to touch the door handle while leaving a public restroom or who shriek when I pick up food off the floor and eat it.

Because the fact is we're somewhere between 57 percent and 90 percent germs (or microbes, in case they're different). Those little fellas in public restrooms are really our cousins.

You could make the case that if we eliminated all the bacteria/microbes in our body, we'd be better off if for no other reason than we'd be about 5 pounds lighter.

But you could also make the case that by proclaiming our disgust with germs, we're practicing a form of self-hatred.

I agree with the second approach.

Science tells what the wise already knew: When we stress out about a few germs, it's the same thing as spiraling into distress because we'll never be back at our high school weight or because our hairline is rising. We're disliking ourselves.

I, for one, welcome the germs.

To the bacteria and microbes that make up between 57 percent and 90 percent of my body, I quote the opening lyrics from the Doobie Brothers' iconic 1976 (Hey! Two references to 1976 in the same column!) hit, "Takin' It To the Streets": "You don't know me, but I'm your brother."

My brother and sister germs, I just want to be a good host.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.