Why I like chasing cats, napping and . . . sit!

Editor's note: Brad Stanhope is on vacation. Per usual, his dog Brandy is sitting in for him this week.

I'm sitting in for Brad.

Get it? Sit?

Sit!

Hah hah hah hah hah hooowwwwl! That's a good one!

Let's reacquaint ourselves. I'm a dog and even though I can't really sniff you from here (and for some reason, humans get upset when we try to sniff them, so maybe I'll sit this one out. Get it? Sit!), I presume you're a reading human.

Lucky dog (no pun intended). Because that's one of the things I wish I could do: Read. Sometimes I get bored with just sitting around. And napping.

Not really! I love napping! It's one of the best things about being a dog.

You know what else is great about being a dog? Let me count the things . . . or better yet, bark the things:

• We can poop anywhere, not just in that small, confining room with the scary rushing water. Although it is fun to play with that roll of paper you keep there.
• Napping.
• Getting scratched.
• Chasing cats.
• Napping.
• The fun of barking at each other through the fence while you yell at us.
• Sit!

Hah hah hah hah hah hooowwwwl!

Anyhoo, I live in Brad's backyard. And house. And sometimes the garage when someone comes to the front door and Brad gets mad at me for warning him that it could be dangerous. Especially when it's the guy in the big brown truck who brings those interesting boxes.

Do they hold bones? Cats? Cats' bones? That would be great.

I don't like cats.

Sit!

Hah hah hah hah hah hooowwwwl!

Dog jokes are the best. Here's one: What do you get if you cross a cat, a giraffe and a can of food?

I don't know, but it has a cat, so I'd chase it. Get it?

My neighbor Scruff likes that joke. He's the one who told me the one about the tree: Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!

That's a great one, although I have never heard a tree bark. It would be funny if it happened, though.

Which reminds me of a story. I don't know why, because I don't know what "reminds" means, but I just thought of a story that you might enjoy.

Sit!

Hah hah hah hah hah hooowwwwl!

Anyhoo, I was patrolling the backyard one day while Brad and Mrs. Brad were both gone and suddenly I heard Scruff trying to escape. He does that every once in a while.

So I ran over and barked encouragement to him. While we were barking at each other ("Go Scruff, go!" "I'm almost out, Brandy" "Here comes a cat . . . just kidding" "What?"), suddenly I heard a weird noise.

So I barked at it instead.

Great story, right? Scruff thinks I'm a good storyteller, although I think he's better. He's the one who told me that the desert lion is everyone's favorite at Christmas. Because he has sandy claws.

I don't know what that means, but Scruff thought it was great.

Sit!

Hah hah hah hah hah hooowwwwl!

Anyway, here comes Brad to pick up my poop. I don't know why he does that, I just want to bury it.

Sit!

Get it?

Reach Brandy Stanhope's human, Brad Stanhope, at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.