New planet brings questions, possibilities

They've found another planet with life on it.

Well, maybe not. Still, it could have life! And that's enough for me, fulfilling the promise of my childhood, when we knew there were extraterrestrial aliens who would one day either perfect our lives or enslave us.

Anyway, Proxima b exists!

Scientists revealed in August that they discovered a roughly Earth-sized planet circulating around Proxima Centauri, the nearest star to the Earth (although to be fair, many scientists consider David Hasselhoff the nearest star to Earth, based on his "triple-threat" ability to sing, dance and act. A few renegade scientists consider Wayne Newton or Nick Cannon the nearest star. But most choose Proxima Centauri.).

Immediately, the speculation began: Could there be life on the planet? Might we be able to communicate with the inhabitants? Will 'N Sync ever reunite? Could humans survive on Proxima b?

Scientists were quick to discourage any idea that Proxima b is like Earth.

One scientist said Proxima b may be heavier than Earth – although it could drop a few pounds if it ate better and would regularly exercise – and that its atmosphere might be "like Neptune, with a thick, gaseous envelope." (By the way, a heads up from someone who knows: thick, gaseous envelopes require two "forever" stamps, even if they include a single sheet of paper.)

Buried in the information about Proxima b was a possible game-changer: The planet rotates around its star every 11.2 days, which means that's "one year" on Proxima b. Insiders say that could put serious pressure on Proxima b's Social Security system, since people on the planet would reach 62 – the age at which you can begin to draw Social Security payments – before turning 2 Earth years. That means there might be a serious imbalance between those who contribute and those who withdraw from Social Security.

There are other problems for Proxima b. Its star is 0.1 percent as bright as our sun – kind of like comparing the brightness of Blaine Gabbert's star to that of Joe Montana. In cases where the star is dim, planets often keep the same face toward the star. That means, of course, that it's always daytime on half the planet, always night on the other, which wreaks havoc on all performances of "Fiddler on the Roof," due to the lack of understanding of "Sunrise, Sunset."

Perhaps the biggest question is whether Proxima b has water. Astronomers say that if the planet was formed far away from the star and moved closer, it could be ice rich. But they warn that it's always possible that the inhabitants of the planet didn't refill ice trays after using the cubes, in which case the long-ago formation of ice helps no one.

Is this another Earthlike planet? Could we move there if real estate prices continue to increase?

We don't know. But here's what we do know:

• Proxima b could have life.
• "Fiddler on the Roof" doesn't necessarily translate to other planets.
• Thick, gaseous envelopes cost extra to mail.
• You should always refill ice-cube trays, just in case.

Isn't science great?

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.