My joint rankings, which might put your nose out of . . . well, you know

There are 360 joints in the human body, which is interesting, since some joints allow us to make a 360-degree turn, right? (Realizing there are no joints that allow a full 360 degree pivot, so pivoting to a joke . . . ): You've got 360 joints. Who do you think you are, Snoop Dogg?

Anyway, of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you've walked into this column, to paraphrase Humphrey Bogart from "Casablanca." Joints are anywhere two bones meet ("So two bones meet in a bar in France and one says to the other, 'Bone jour.' "), but when we think of joints, we think of the main ones.

Therefore, let's rank the most important joints. Really.

If you don't like these listings, you probably didn't like my rankings of types of tape, fingers, pieces of household furniture, days of the week or dozens of other things.

Let's jump into this joint venture by counting down the top eight joints, based on their importance and how well they do their job.

8. Spine. We don't think of the spine as having joints (or I didn't until I searched the internet for how many joints are in our body), but it has plenty. And I will never, ever, ever insult the spine, since it's the most important part of our bodies other than our brain.

7. Wrists. If you think really hard, it's possible to imagine a world without wrists, presuming we retained the other arm joints. We'd be much stiffer-looking, but everyone would be wristless and we would all look the same. Wrists are valuable to help catch us when we fall and they make many things easier, but among the major joints? They're near the bottom.

6. Hips. We ignore our hips until they hurt (which is what prompted this column. My hip hurts), then we realize how many actions start with this joint. I'm not sure exactly how the hip works, but without the hips, we'd be unable to walk well, do the Merengue or use a hula hoop.

5. Knees. Like all joints, you are reminded how much you need this when you injure it. It's a big joint (kind of like the Astrodome) and allows us to walk, run and even crawl. The only downside to the knee is that it bends only one way.

4. Shoulders. These are the point guards of joints, designed to set up other parts of our body for success. Taking it further, they're the point guard nobody notices until the game ends and they have 11 assists and no turnovers. Shoulders make all the other arm motions possible, although we tend to think of those as being caused by our arms, elbows or hands. The shoulder is the literal connector.

3. Fingers. Crucial to our fine motor skills. If our fingers were jointless appendages, we'd be no different than many animals. We couldn't really pick things up. We couldn't make a fist. We couldn't flip anyone off. We couldn't make that "hang loose" symbol or snap or play a piano or knock on a door.

2. Elbows. Imagine life without elbows. Seriously. Think about how life would be with an elbow: You couldn't use utensils to eat. The elbow allows us to write, eat, brush our teeth and scratch. It also provides a great weapon if an irritating sibling is bugging you from behind, although that's just speculation on my part.

1. Ankles. Our most miraculous joints. Think of all the times you've stepped off a curb wrong or otherwise stumbled and rolled your ankle. In the vast majority of those times, your ankle kept you upright and you didn't get hurt. It's amazing. Our ankles keep us upright and prevent significant injuries to our knees (No. 5) and our hips (No. 6). I don't want to do live without an ankle.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.