The parallels are shocking. Both are noisy and dark, with energy and greed and competition. Some people celebrate, while others bemoan how close they came to winning (money, a stuffed animal or a pencil). There are family arguments over whether to keep spending money or shut it down for the day.
Chuck E. Cheese is a Ceasar's Palace for kids.
Turns out that's closer to the truth than we thought.
And it's not Chuck E. Cheese, which I'm sure has a capable legal department that scours the internet to find everything written about it. I'm not saying a pizza parlor named after a rodent might be unsavory. Not at all. Mea culpa if you thought that.
But the kind of product you might see at a Chuck E. Cheese establishment – again, I'm not suggesting the vermin-controlled pizza parlor is unscrupulous – is apparently more like a slot machine than a contest of skill.
Consider Rio de Janeiro, where police recently carried out an aggressive sweep of claw machines. Claw machines are those glass-box machines with joystick-operated claws. You try to grab a stuffed animal after dropping in whatever money they require (maybe $2 or $3).
According to an article by The Associated Press, "Officers seized claw machines, laptops, tablets, cell phones, a firearm and – yes – furry friends. They are investigating whether organized crime groups may be the invisible hand behind the claw because they already run slot machines and a popular lottery known as 'Animal Game' across the city."
Organized crime may be in charge of Rio's claw games!
This isn't the first time. A few months earlier, Rio police seized 80 such machines, ostensibly putting a severe crimp in the plans of parents who hoped to impress their 4-year-old with their ability to grab a stuffed penguin.
Police said there were two major crimes involved: First is that machines were rigged to pay off after a certain number of turns, changing them from a game of skill to a game of luck. Second was that the games had counterfeit toys, so a stuffed tiger was even cheaper than you thought.
Cheap payoffs and a fixed game? Other than every single county fair I've attended, that sounds shady!
That couldn't happen in the United States, right? Right?
Well, there are certain standards we have. According to the AP article, most states consider claw machines games of chance, which is the opposite of what appears to be how they are presented in Argentina. American claw games are specifically exempt from gambling statutes if they comply with certain rules, probably because the Big Claw lobby has so much influence.
Of course, the people running such games also need a certain number of winners, so people keep thinking it could be them – similar to how people who run carnival games make sure a few people carry around massive stuffed animals as a passive advertisement for how great their game is.
Claw game enthusiasts in Rio de Janeiro appear to have a bigger complaint than the consideration that the game is based on luck, rather than skill. They also seem to believe the claw is weaker and can't grab stuffed animals – a scenario familiar to those of us beyond a certain age who find it tough to open a pickle jar. To the Rio claw-gamers, the game got tougher. Too tough.
Rio claw-game enthusiasts are shaken. Skill isn't the thing. The claw can't grab big stuffed animals. And the toys are counterfeit.
I'm sure that Chuck E. Cheese and other such establishments haven't rigged their games to guarantee profitability. The reason is simple: When my kids were young, you had to spend about $30 in gaming coins to win enough coupons to acquire a 50-cent toy. That's a payoff of $60 for the house for every $1 in expenses. If you can do that, there's no need to rig the games further.
Note to the Chuck E. Cheese lawyers: That's a compliment to your business model, not a criticism.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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