Leaving on a jet plane . . . I'll land with clean teeth and a new tattoo

Hear me out. This isn't absurd.

This might sound absurd. But years from now, we'll look back and wonder why it took so long to do this. Like changing the rules to make baseball pitchers throw pitches within 18 seconds. Or instituting trading curbs to slow stock market crashes. Or creating microwaveable taquitos.

All so obvious in retrospect.

So hear me out, but first, establish the reasoning:

1. Virtually everyone dislikes going to the dentist. Dentists aren't (necessarily) evil or sadists, but if you had an opportunity to get all the benefits of teeth cleaning without going to the dentist and sitting in that torture chair, would you take it? Of course.

2. Consider the colonoscopy, that unfortunate procedure you should have done at least every decade upon turning 50. It involves at least 24 hours of fasting, taking something that "cleans out" your system and having someone drive you to and from an appointment. That doesn't even address the procedure. If you could have the same result without enduring all that, would you do it? Of course.

3. Now think about other uncomfortable procedures. I'm not talking about major surgery, but things like a biopsy or Lasik (is that a brand name? Maybe.). Getting a tattoo. Anything that takes time and makes you uncomfortable. Would you take the result without the discomfort? Of course.

4. Finally, consider long plane flights. If you're going to Hawaii, Florida or the Philippines – or anywhere that requires five hours of sitting uncomfortably in a plane next to strangers, would you prefer to get there without the discomfort? Of course.

So hear me out.

What if there was an airplane flight where they would anesthetize you and then do every medical procedure you need: Clean your teeth, do a colonoscopy and give you that tattoo you've wanted. When you wake up, you're in Honolulu or Miami or New York City. It feels like you just got on the plane, but  your teeth and colon are both clean (presumably with different doctors and with hand-washing between), while you've got a new "Fanilow for Life" tattoo on your back with a picture of Barry Manilow.

It's a hybrid plane/surgery center. Brilliant!

The finances would work. Would you pay extra for that? I would. Would doctors and their assistants do that? Sure, they'd get free trips. Would an airline do that? They could charge more, so the answer is yes.

The hybrid plane/surgery center is the greatest idea since microwavable taquitos! We must make this happen! It's so obvious.

One day your grandchildren or great-grandchildren will be shocked to hear that we used to make an appointment to get our teeth cleaned or to get a colonoscopy. It will seem ridiculous.

"Why wouldn't you just take an airplane flight?" they'll ask.

You'll shake your head and give no answer as you eat a microwaved taquito.

The great ideas come around only once in a while.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.