Seven foolproof predictions as we enter another year

It's a new year today, continuing the ridiculous centuries-long tradition of starting a "new year" when we're 10 days into winter and seven days past Christmas.

New Year's Day should be the first day of spring! But it isn't. What New Year's Day is: an opportunity to make predictions!

Here are seven:

Twitter does a slow-speed crash. Since Elon Musk's forced takeover of the social media site (he agreed to buy it, tried to back out and was forced to purchase it), people have predicted Twitter's demise. The return of banned far-right lunatics, the departure of key engineers, advertisers pulling their money. All would end it. The reality? All of those things will combine to cause a gradual decline of Twitter. The site will still be around at the end of 2023, but it will be far, far less influential.

Sacramento Kings make NBA postseason. A sports prediction! This may seem basic – after all, 16 of 30 NBA teams make the playoffs every year – but the Kings haven't made the postseason since 2006. That's 16 years (they had a player on that roster born in 1973. He'll turn 50 this year).The longest playoff drought in the four major U.S. sports will finally end this spring.

Weird weather continues. It will rain too much. Or too little. It will be a long, hot summer. Or a weirdly cool summer. Fire danger will be high because of the long hot (or weirdly cool) summer. Winter will come too soon or too late. This is life in the 21st century. Climate change is real and so is the fact that the weather is always weird. I don't know what will happen, but I guarantee we'll have strange weather in 2023.

Inflation levels out. Prices skyrocketed in 2022, but there were reasons: A global supply chain problem. The recovery from a pandemic. Corporate greed. Government spending. All those things combined to raise prices in 2022. This year prices may again go up (there is always inflation), but it won't be a repeat of 2022. Trust me. My father was an accountant.

A great new Taco Bell item. The fast food giant will introduce a new food with hybrid name. The Enchitaco or the Guacarito. Something like that. It will be an all-new combination of beans, rice, cheese and some sort of tortilla. Brilliant marketing for the 50th consecutive year.

Memorable 49ers-Raiders game. The current and former Bay Area NFL teams play today, something they do every fourth year. One is playing great, the other is terrible, but today's game will be memorable because both fan bases will find dumb things to crow about afterward, which will make it memorable.

You'll forget these. A year from now, Jan. 1, 2024, you'll have forgotten these predictions and they will seem obvious. It will seem like a long time since Twitter was important, the Kings will still be a playoff contender and you'll have forgotten the long, cool summer. But you'll bring in the new year with a six-pack of Guacaritos.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.