Monday is National Asparagus Day, the holiday on which we eat a specific vegetable for a reason that I can only presume came after an intense lobbying effort by the powerful asparagus lobby.
It's another in the line of special days – days that are now mentioned on news shows, commercials and social media.
If you're on Facebook, you've seen Siblings Day. Cousins Day. Probably a bunch of other made-up days, too.
Think back to your childhood. There was no Siblings Day. There was Mother's Day and Father's Day. There was no Kid's Day because 100% of parents told us every day was kid's day.
Now? It's a parade of holidays.
Want evidence? Here's what else we celebrate Monday: Aviation Maintenance Technician Day, National Brother's Day, National Scavenger Hunt Day and Victoria Day. The latter is a legit day in Canada, the others were presumably invented by aviation maintenance technicians, brothers and people who make money off scavenger hunts.
Other days to be celebrated this week include National Tap Dance Day and National Wine Day (Tuesday); National Blueberry Cheesecake Day and National Paper Airplane Day (Wednesday); National Grape Popsicle Day (Thursday); National Hamburger Day and National Sunscreen Day (Friday); and National Mint Julep Day (May 30).
Seems absurd, right? I mean, I can understand National Brother's Day, National Hamburger Day and National Paper Airplane Day, because I'm a brother who eats hamburgers and can make a paper airplane. But the others? Come on, man!
Wait. National Blueberry Cheesecake Day makes sense, too. Oh, National Tap Dance Day is cool, too, since people who tap dance are cool. I don't drink, so National Wine Day is meaningless to me.
Maybe I'm too much of a traditionalist, but I liked it better when we all agreed on the national days. They were vacation days, or at least days when professional sports leagues changed their schedules.
The problem came when we started acting like virtually every day was worthy of commemorating. Taco Tuesday was OK, although it was obviously pushed by the Americanized Mexican food lobby. National Pancake Day seemed OK because IHOP gave away free pancakes (it was canceled this year) and the same is true for the free Slurpees you can get at 7-Eleven on July 11 (because it's 7-11!).
But June starts with National Barefoot Day and National Milk Day, which are . . . wait, neither of those is a bad idea. I like milk, I'll go barefoot if I can. Well, June 1 is also National Say Something Nice Day and National Heimlich Day, which are . . . wait, those are both good ideas, too. And June 2 is National Leave the Office Early Day . . . so . . . well . . . .
I guess I've changed my mind.
The national obsession with adding holidays to the calendar doesn't seem like such a bad idea. You can have National Asparagus Day and National Mint Julep Day, but I'll take many of the others.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Here's what I know: I have until Dec. 31 to figure it out. That's because, in addition to being New Year's Eve and National Champagne Day, it's one other holiday: It's National Make Up Your Mind Day.
Before that, though, I need to get ready for National Brother's Day. I have three sisters who will celebrate me, after all.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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