Not in the date or teams.
Not in the television network or that clever themed party you planned.
What needs a change is the halftime show. Not just for this year, but forever.
The Super Bowl halftime show is a tired act and even worse, it's a tired joke: What geriatric act will they trot out this year?
In 2020, by the way, that "geriatric act" is 50-year-old Jennifer Lopez and 43-year-old Shakira (Super Bowl Sunday is her birthday!). Neither is as old as The Who (2010 Super Bowl) or The Rolling Stones (2006), but still.
There's been an effort in recent years to make the halftime show less senior-focused–Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake and Maroon 5 headlined the past three Super Bowls–but then another problem arises: The performance is less than 15 minutes, so it's not really even a concert. It's a medley. Nobody is really happy with it.
It's time to make a change.
I know what you're thinking: What could the NFL possibly do at halftime to keep the audience entertained – and bring in non-football fans – beyond music?
I have four suggestions.
Jump. Fifty years ago, Evel Knievel was one of the most famous people in America, because he routinely jumped his motorcycle over 25 cars or 18 buses or 12 RVs. He did it in stadiums (or at Caesar's Palace), which suggests the same could be done at halftime–the game is played in a stadium. Would you watch the Super Bowl halftime show if you knew someone would try to jump their motorcycle (or scooter or car) over a random number of items in a way that could result in glory or catastrophe? I would.
Tightrope. If watching a motorcycle jump isn't your thing, what if someone (perhaps whatever member of the Wallenda family is still alive) walked a tightrope from one side of the stadium to the other? Seriously. Have them walk the tightrope, hundreds of feet above the field. I would 100 percent watch that.
"Wipeout." This is unlikely, since ABC doesn't broadcast Super Bowls (this year's game is on Fox), but I would definitely tune in for a reprise of the silly game show that aired on ABC until 2014. "Wipeout" featured regular people navigating crazy obstacle courses that resulted in violent crashes that were replayed in super slow motion. The target audience appeared was 8-year-old boys and me, so I'd definitely tune in for an annual "Wipeout" reprise–maybe involving players whose teams lost in the conference championship games.
Random competition. If "Wipeout" can't be brought back, how about a high-stakes carnival-game competition? Periodically, there have been competitions (throw a football at a target! Run an obstacle course! Find a hidden diamond!) during sports events, with a big payoff for the winner–often a scholarship to a college student. What if the NFL promised $5 million to the first person to kick a 40-yard field goal, with the competitors drawn from the Super Bowl audience? I'd watch.
The Super Bowl will again be the most-watched program of the year. It's not too late to change the halftime show and prevent more disappointment. Heck, if it makes it easier, I'm OK with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira being contestants in "Wipeout."
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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