How your iPhone shows that you're richer than me

Android users, unite! Fight the 1 percent!

(Is that still a thing? Is mentioning the "1 percent" similar to saying "Occupy iPhone" or "Fight the iPhone Power?" I digress.)

If you have an Android smartphone, you are part of the unwashed masses. iPhones are the leading symbol of wealth in our nation.

That's according to research from economists at the University of Chicago, who published a paper with the National Bureau of Economic Research that focused on how consumer behavior and media consumption affects how we infer demographic information.

In other words, the research reveals how we filter information about others: What types of things make us (accurately) think someone is, in this case, wealthy.

The answer is . . . iPhones.

According to the data, the one individual brand that was most "predictive of being high-income" in 2016 was owning an iPhone. The ownership of said phones led researchers to a have a 69 percent chance to correctly identify the owners as being in the top 25 percent of income for their household type.

In other words, iPhones generally predict that a person is wealthy.

This is the continuation of a decade-old brainwashing by the folks at Apple, who managed to convince the masses that their products mean that you're cool and wealthy and ahead of the game. Disagree with me? Of course. Because you have been brainwashed and have an iPhone, Rockefeller!

By the way, the No. 2 indicator of wealth was owning an iPad.

Android was the fourth-leading indicator, so maybe that's significant, but maybe not. Look it up on your iPhone, moneybags. I'm busy trying to scratch out a living.

There were similar studies in 1992 and 2004. In 1992, the top product to predict wealth was an automatic dishwasher and the top brand was Grey Poupon Dijon mustard. Seriously.

In 2004, buying a new vehicle was the the top "product" to show wealth and Land O'Lakes Regular butter was the top brand.

Yes, Land O'Lakes Regular butter. Try not to get it on your iPhone, fat cat.

I prefer the old-timey way to tell if someone is wealthy: They lounge in a bathtub full of gold coins, like Scrooge McDuck. Or they use $100 bills to light their Cuban cigars.

But in 2016, the way to show off your wealth was to have an iPhone.

Interestingly – or perhaps not – the top label associated with wealth doesn't have the largest market share of smartphones. Of course, you already know that as you drive your luxury car and eat caviar, right?

According to the latest information I could find (I used my Android phone, so I probably don't have access to the same kind of information that an iPhone user would see), the Android operating system has 54 percent of the U.S. market, while the iPhone has 44 percent. Makes sense. The rich minority.

By the way, among the rest of the market is Microsoft and Blackberry. You probably had a Blackberry before you got your iPhone, Daddy Warbucks.

Anyway, this information provides another forum for culture wars. Red states vs. blue states. Urban vs. rural. Hot dogs vs. hamburgers. Dick Sargent vs. Dick York.

And now we have the elite iPhoners vs. the rest of us, the salt-of-the-Earth Android users.

Enjoy your iPhone, tycoon. Remember what the Apostle Paul said in the Bible: "The love of money is the root of all sorts of evil."

I confirmed that on my Android, where I have my Bible app.

Now I just have to work on my jealousy of rich people and their iPhones.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.