Conventional wisdom isn't always wise. Consider the fate of Jack Johnson, the British 19-year-old who has paid more than $25,000 on surgeries to look like soccer star David Beckham – and intends to spend another $30,000 to finish the job.
It's not working. Johnson looks more like Boy George. While he's paying $50,000, Beckham is getting older, which likely means that to look like Beckham when the money's spent, he'll have to pay for aging surgery.
Johnson disproves the old saying, "You get what you pay for." In addition to being bad grammar (dangling preposition!), that cliché is wrong. But not unique.
Because, as we know, misery loves company. Except in the case of James Caan, who took the lead role in the movie "Misery" after Kevin Kline, Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Richard Dreyfuss, Gene Hackman and Robert Redford all turned it down. "Misery," apparently, doesn't love company. It settles on James Caan.
Get the point? Our accepted sayings are often wrong. So as a public service, here are a few more to avoid:
"Actions speak louder than words" seems reasonable until you try to communicate with a crowd of 1,000 people by miming. Pretending to "pull a rope" or being "trapped in a glass booth" aren't as well-received as words spoken loudly over a public address system. Words usually speak louder than actions.
Nearly all of us have been told "you can't judge a book by its cover" at some point in our lives, which is baloney. A 2010 survey of readers found that 79 percent said the cover plays a decisive role in deciding whether to make a purchase. We always judge books by covers.
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" usually means that a child is like his or her parent. But what if the tree is at der Wiese in Frauenroth, Germany? That tree is 40 feet high – the tallest living apple tree. So an apple that falls from it by definition falls far from the tree. And an apple tree on a sharp incline – say Suisun Hill at Rush Ranch or Mount Vaca – is quite likely to roll for a while. I'm OK if we just add the word "generally" between "doesn't" and "fall."
People have been saying for years – and Kelly Clarkson had a No. 1 hit doing so – that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." No one believes that. Ask a shooting victim. Ask the person who gets a virulent virus. Ask anyone who reaches 90. What doesn't kill you usually makes you weaker and likely to bore others with the details of your near-death experience.
"There's no time like the present." Really? I would suggest that a minute ago was very much like the present. And a minute from now similarly will be very much like the present. There are plenty of times like the present. My favorite is the morning of Dec. 11, 1997. It was a lot like the present, just with less gray hair.
No saying is more false than "it's always darkest before the dawn," which is not even close to being true. Scientists say it's always darkest close to midnight on a moonless night. That is so far from dawn that it's laughable! The saying should be it's always coldest before the dawn, which is largely true if not particularly motivational.
Get the point? Clichés are comfortable, but many are not true. The lesson?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but if I mime to a huge crowd, I probably deserve them.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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