There's no parallel for my ability to park

I'm irrationally proud of my ability to parallel park. If you don't believe me, just watch.

I strut, as if I just rode a bucking bronco for eight seconds. Or cut the correct wire to disarm a bomb.

I rarely feel better about myself. I backed my car into a tight space between two other cars – a skill that many people never muster!

I can parallel park! I am great at it!

Except I have no idea whether I'm especially good. I mean, I know I can do it, but am I great? Or just adequate? Or maybe subpar?

I'm definitely better than subpar because . . . are you ready? . . . I can parallel park on the opposite side! On a one-way street, I can parallel park on the left side. That's a lost art.

Driving includes several activities about which we (by which I mean mechanically challenged middle-aged men) are unnaturally proud. Secretly – or not-so-secretly – many of us think we're outstanding behind the wheel. We embrace our greatness.

Another example? The ability to drive a vehicle with manual transmission. That's a skill!

When I started driving, roughly half the cars on the road were manual transmission. Automatic transmission cars seemed weak, something that a housewife would drive to the grocery store. A real man? He drove a stick.

And was good at it. My first several vehicles had stick shifts and I, like most guys, considered myself elite at going from first to fourth (or fifth) in a few smooth steps.

Now about 10 percent of American cars are manual transmission and most young people have never driven one. I have and I'm good at it.

Want to hear something else? I am expert at using a squeegee to clean my windshield at the gas station. Oh, sure, it's not that hard, but we experts pride ourselves on not leaving streaks.

It involves a slight overlap of  the squeegee area, followed by a wipe of the paper towel to catch a few spots (and of course, a quick flick of the wipers to catch everything you missed).

It's a skill. And for those of us who don't change oil or rotate our own tires, it's a point of pride.

There are other vehicle-related skills of which I'm irrationally proud: The ability to drive curves. Knowing the perfect time to dim my brights while driving on rural roads. Driving at a pace so I hit green lights all the way through cities with timed stoplights.

Sure, you could say there's no standard way to measure whether I'm actually good at the skills. Sure, you could say that parking or shifting or wiping a window isn't an important skill. Sure, you could say I'm desperately trying to find affirmation in a world that's passed me by.

I will simply parallel park my car, get out and smugly walk past you.

Because I'm really good at it.

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.