Creative solutions for House speaker quandary

One of the most powerful jobs in America is open and nobody wants it. With good reason.

It's about politics, but stick with me. It's worth it!

Republicans in the U.S. House of Representatives spent the past few weeks hoping that a good candidate – anyone – would step up to succeed John Boehner as speaker of the House. Boehner announced Sept. 25 that he was stepping down after realizing he couldn't unite the party behind him. It looked like Rep. Kevin McCarthy of California would take the job, but he decided not to do it.

Then . . . nobody. Paul Ryan is the top candidate, but he doesn't want the gig.

It's third in line to the presidency and nobody wants the job!

Admittedly, politics is an uncharacteristic subject matter for this space, which more often focuses on how to exploit Mars' water supply or how great it would be to have a monkey servant. But stick with me, because I have suggestions that could solve everything.

For the Republicans.

For Congress as a whole.

For the American public.

I have some nominations for speaker of the House, based on something I uncovered in my research (thanks, Wikipedia!): The speaker of the House doesn't have to be a member of Congress.

That's right: While all 61 speakers in history have been members of Congress, there is no rule requiring it. The speaker can be an outsider.

And this might be exactly the time that we change things. We could be like George Mikan, who gets credit for popularizing the 3-point shot in basketball. Or Charley Douglass, who invented the laugh track for radio and TV shows. Or Barry Mann, who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp.

We could change history.

If the leaders of Congress want to be famous for something other than adding to government gridlock, they should consider appointing an outsider from the following list:

• Samuel L. Jackson. We would watch every press conference by the speaker of the House if it was Samuel L. Jackson. Seriously. Can you imagine him presiding over a congressional hearing? You would never know when he might go off and drop a profane, amusing, sinister threat. To anyone.
• Hugh Laurie. He played the titular character on "House," so he's already a speaker on "House." Why couldn't he be speaker of the House?
• Tony Wade. My rival Daily Republic columnist could likely persuade Congress to do anything. If not, I'd enjoy seeing him under attack.
• Don Rickles. Same as Samuel L. Jackson. I'd watch every session of Congress to watch him work.
• Don Draper. Really, it's actor Jon Hamm, but I'd be comfortable also hiring the writers for "Mad Men" if it meant we get a speaker who goes to a meeting, lets things get out of hand, then comes up with a brilliant, last-second idea that leaves everyone shaking their head in wonder.
• Snoop Dogg. The spizzle of the hizzie!
• Jed York. Anything to get him away from running the 49ers. Even if it means making Congress worse.
• Sara Lee. One of the biggest problems for the speaker of the House is automatic unpopularity. So why not Sara Lee? As we learned from advertising, nobody doesn't like Sara Lee!

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.