Solving an important issue: What is the correct distance to wave at someone?

As they told you in elementary school, it's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.

That's true. Within reason. In a way that doesn't make it awkward.

In my neighborhood, a lot of people walk, which means I routinely cross paths with familiar faces and say hello. Not to talk, generally. Just to acknowledge that someone familiar is walking the other way.

Therein lies the problem – one familiar to anyone who sees someone they (kind of) know on a street or in the grocery store or anywhere while walking: How far away should you be from someone when you acknowledge them?

If you think the answer is simple (maybe "as soon as you see them!"), you're either lucky or unaware of the awkwardness that happens if you greet someone too soon.

The scene: You're walking down the street and see someone you casually know about a block away. If you wave immediately, then you're left with a good 30 seconds or more of walking toward each other after the wave, a time that becomes increasingly uncomfortable for both of you. (Should you wave again? Do you need to talk? What if you're in a hurry? What if you don't want to talk?).

The flip side is when you decide to wait until you're right next to each other. That means pretending you didn't see the person as you get closer, closer, closer, closer . . . and then you wave. Did they think you were pretending not to see them? Did you startle them by greeting them at the last minute? Do they even know who you are (in which case, you come across like an overenthusiastic goober who waves at everyone)?

Switch the same situation to a workplace or the grocery store. You're in Aisle 5 and at the other end of the aisle you see a neighbor you don't know well or the parent of one of your kids' friends or someone you know vaguely from work. You have to acknowledge them or you look like a jerk. But if you wave from one end of the aisle, they might not see you. Or worse, what if they see you and then you gradually, slowly move toward each other? Now, do you need to talk, since you waved so eagerly?

Alternatively, if you wait, it seems like you're jumping up to startle them: "Hey! It's me! Brad! Your neighbor!" Then they feel assaulted.

Am I overthinking this? If not, is there a solution? And what is it?

First of all, ignoring others is not the solution. Don't be the person who knows me, sees me and ignores me. Then I think that you think you're too cool for me.

However, being overly aggressive isn't the solution either. There's no requirement that you greet everyone who you think you might know. "Hey, it's me. I saw you at the intersection the other day in your car while I was in my car!" is not sane.

But for the people you know enough that you should greet them? The answer, like most of life, is a math problem. (Example to prove that point: What is the best dessert? Well, would you look at that! It's pi!)

The solution: First of all, the correct time between when you wave and when you pass someone is three to five seconds. Longer than that is awkward, shorter is likely to startle the other person.

If you and the other person both walk at a normal speed (2 mph to 4 mph) and you're coming down a regular city block, my calculations (using an AI tool) is that you should wave when you're about 35 feet apart for there to be a four-second gap.

How do you figure 35 feet? Well, a normal human is between 5 feet and 6 feet (yeah, I said it. People who are taller than 6 feet are abnormal!), so 35 feet is about the length of six people, end to end. When a person is that far away, wave.

Grocery stores are a different matter. We walk slower and often stop. Based on the normal length of a grocery store aisle, it's appropriate to acknowledge the person coming the other way when you're slightly less than a half-aisle apart. That can be four seconds if you don't stop and spend five minutes trying to find the right kind of soup. (Correct answer: Minestrone. Because it kind of has "minus" in it. Again: Math!)

If you really want to get specific, I'd suggest this: Next time you're walking, clock someone coming the other direction. Guess when you're four seconds (the sweet spot) apart and then count. Then make adjustments for your speed. Problem solved.

Next time you wave at someone,  you'll thank me. And if you see me walking, you can tell me that. At the appropriate time, of course.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.