Or maybe that's not the point. I'm not sure because I stopped paying attention while reading an article describing an experiment about what makes things interesting (since I presumed it would be boring). Which, I guess, is the point.
OK. I'll read the report. Hold on . . .
OK, I'm back. (Time passes differently in print. I could have created a bunch of white space with no words, but that seems dumb. And I don't know how to do it.)
It turns out that a study published by the American Psychological Association (if my understanding of sports leagues is correct, the APA is the upstart league to challenge the National Psychological Association with hopes of forcing a merger) shows that people consistently overestimate how boring topics will be. What we think will be boring often ends up being interesting and enjoyable.
This does not, I presume, include someone giving details of the most recent golf round or talking about their fantasy sports leagues – the two most boring topics to discuss, according to the Stanhope Psychological Association.
Anyway, for the study, people were asked to predict how much they would enjoy a discussion about a topic they identified as boring – things such as World War I and World War II, nonfiction books, the stock market, cats and vegan diets. They then had real-world conversations with people (some friends, some strangers, some in person, some online) and reported how much they enjoyed the conversation.
Across the board, people said the conversations were more enjoyable than expected (unless, presumably, the topic was someone's golf round or fantasy sports team).
The study's authors concluded that engagement is what matters, not necessarily the topic. People in conversations where they felt heard and where each person responded to the other enjoyed the conversation. They learned something, but more importantly, they learned about the other person and felt like that person learned about them.
The study has serious applications: In a world where it's easier and easier to withdraw and reduce communication with other humans (why talk to someone when you can scroll on your phone, watch Netflix and have food delivered?), we often avoid conversation because we think they will be boring.
“If we skip talking to a coworker at the coffee machine, a neighbor in the elevator or a stranger at an event, we may be missing small moments of connection,” said the study's author. “Even a brief conversation about everyday life may be more rewarding than we expect.”
It turns out that when we engage with others, asking questions and trying to learn, we find connection. Key side note: That's easy for an extrovert to say. Most people are introverts – even extroverts are usually more introverted than they present –so it's not easy to talk with others. Yet it's worthwhile. So, some suggestions from someone who has spent his life asking questions and interviewing people professionally while using those tools to learn about people away from work.
No. 1: Ask questions. Then ask follow-up questions. Take conversations as an opportunity to learn about the person with whom you're talking. If they're bad at communicating, it may end there, but if you keep trying to engage, you'll find more connections. You'll find that people are interested in you, too.
No. 2: Don't ask about golf or fantasy sports.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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