What could go wrong? It's adding something great (blackberries) to something already good (Dr Pepper). This was going to be the greatest soda experience of my life!
Then I remembered one of the key factors in all of food and drink: Sometimes things that seem great aren't. And sometimes, we continue to have false expectations of how good something is, even after previous disappointing outcomes.
Here are the top seven such foods. (Note: A food is disappointing if it's bad. It's also disappointing if it's good, but you expect it to be fantastic. So inclusion on this list doesn't mean a food stinks. It means it's disappointing., the same way that your mother didn't think you were bad, you were just disappointing.)
7. Exotic soda flavors. Blackberry Diet Dr Pepper. Fanta Peach. Sprite Cherry. Pepsi S'mores Toasty Marshmallow (!), Coke Cinnamon. They always seem great – if you love soda in general, it will be even better with this new flavor! Then you drink it and . . . you realize the basic soda is better.
6. Pop Tarts. I surveyed some friends and this got the mixed reviews. It's either disappointing (because we remember these as bigger and having more filling than they do) or great. I suspect the "it's still great" crowd might not have eaten Pop Tarts in a while.
5. Froot Loops. This is specific, but also a placeholder for all children's cereals that don't appeal to an adult's palate. Cap'n Crunch is still good. Lucky Charms is still good. Froot Loops? Honeycombs? Nah.
4. Abalone/crab. Both are very good, but when you consider the work that goes into them? Maybe not worth it. It's like spending (presumably) $100,000 on a car. It might be good, but is it 250% better than a $40,000 car? Nah.
3. Fast food. Everybody liked fast food when they were kids. Some people never gave up their love of it (much like I've never abandoned my love of pizza), but for many of us, fast food is a less frequent choice as we age. Then you decide to stop at a fast-food restaurant, maybe because it's along the freeway on a trip or because you're running errands and fast food seems easier than going to a regular restaurant or maybe because you decide to have it delivered. It's rarely great. It's OK. It's fast. It's food. But memory is better than reality.
2. Hot chocolate. The fact that this is rarely an option (you are never offered hot chocolate during the summer; you rarely think of it outside the holiday season) makes us forget that it's disappointing. Hot chocolate? Sure! It will be great. Then you drink it and it tastes like chocolatey warm water. It's a disappointment.
1. Fair food. Year after year I went to the Solano Fair excited about the food. Corn dogs! Fried pickles! Huge turkey legs! Kettle corn! Frozen bananas! They seem so great and it's easy to look past the fact that they're overpriced and are prepared in trailers that might be less than sanitary. Then you eat them and they're OK. And 20 minutes later, you feel like you have a bowling ball in your stomach. You will remember this . . . until the next year, when you're excited again.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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