Writing up the unwritten rules for passengers on planes

Legendary essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson put it succinctly: "Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." 

Emerson wasn't talking about unwritten rules on airplanes (since he died 21 years before the Wright Brothers took flight in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina), but he could have been. Manners are important when you're stuck in a metal tube thousands of feet in the air with hundreds of people for several hours. Some basic politeness – following societal rules – can make it better for everyone.

But what are the rules? We know we can't bring our weapons or a 3.5-ounce drink through security, but what about other passenger rules?

You probably have opinions, but the folks at Kayak (the travel website) made it official when they surveyed people on the internet (not science, but still a survey) to gain an understanding of general "rules."

Here's what the public says about some airplane "rules," with the correct answer from someone who routinely sits in the middle seat so Mrs. Brad can have the window and who often falls asleep and misses the opportunity to get "free" peanuts or soda.

• Can you take off your shoes in flight? Most people (56%) say no because it's gross. Brad says: Go ahead, as long as your feet don't stink. I keep my shoes on, but that's because I'm not an animal.
• Do you get to control the shade if you have the window seat? The public says yes (77%). Brad also says yes for the same reason you get to control your window in the car: You're sitting next to it. If you want to control the window shade, get a window seat. Also, Mrs. Brad sits by the window and I trust her.
• Can you rush to get off the plane ahead of others? Most people (58%) say no because it's unfair. The public says you should wait your turn. Brad says: Of course not. This is like thinking you shouldn't have to wait in line at the grocery store. If you're over 5, you can wait. The exception is if you have explosive diarrhea, of course (that's true in the store, too. And the bank. And even in line for the bathroom at a concert or sporting event).
• If you're in the middle seat, do you get both armrests? The public says no (57%) because the public has apparently never sat in the middle. Brad says: The middle seat should get both armrests. Or at least the main portion of them. The window and aisle seats each get a full armrest on one side and should get at most a small portion on the inside.
• Can you call someone before you get off the plane? The public says no (69%) because it's irritating to listen in on other people's conversations. Brad says: No, unless you have a really interesting conversation that I can then repeat to whomever I see at my destination. Then it's OK.
• Can you chat up your seatmate? The public narrowly says yes (52%), because it's friendly. The public obviously didn't sit next to a guy I sat by last year who insisted on showing me hundreds (literally hundreds) of photos of his relatives. On his phone. Hundreds!  Brad says: I guess it's OK as long as you recognize the body language of "I don't want to talk." And you don't show 40 phone photos of your grandson playing a Little League baseball game.

So next time you fly, keep this in mind. The person by the window controls the shade, the person in the middle gets two armrests, don't rush off the plane or make an immediate phone call, and don't show me hundreds of photos on your phone.

And for crying out loud, don't try to bring a 3.5-ounce drink through security! A 3.4-ounce drink is fine, but more than that? Insanity!

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.