Halloween, Thanksgiving and my oldest son's birthday are behind us. Still to come are Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Year's Day.
December is peak season for commercials, TV specials and movies about fictional holiday figures. What would December be without Burl Ives as Sam the Snowman, telling us about Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
But why only December? Why don't we have Uncle Sam movies in July? Why not Easter Bunny TV shows in April? Why doesn't the Hallmark Channel produce a bunch of St. Patrick's Day-themed romantic movies? It's a mystery.
As we begin the month most associated with holidays, it's time to rank the eight best fictional holiday figures:
8. Cupid. The symbol of love and Valentine's Day, an angel (or Greek god, it's hard to tell) shoots arrows at people who then fall in love. But unless you're experiencing Valentine's Day with someone new (which seems risky), Cupid's arrival Feb. 14 seems too late or too early. And Cupid's appearance makes me uncomfortable.
7. Baby New Year. Perhaps the creepiest mainstream holiday figure – a sash-wrapped baby who is usually pictured with an old man (who represents the outgoing year and appears ready to die. It's unclear, but weird).
6. Leprechaun. The symbolic figure for St. Patrick's Day feels stereotypical. If I were Irish, I'd be uncomfortable with my culture's main holiday being represented by a tiny (possibly drunk) figure.
5. Punxsutawney Phil. You could make a point that Phil is not "fictional" because there is a real Punxsutawney Phil – although we're several generations past the original and if not for the movie "Groundhog Day," most of us wouldn't know his name. The weirdest thing is that while Groundhog Day is ostensibly a holiday that helps predict how long winter will last, it is referenced far more to explain the same thing happening day after day, because of the movie. And you don't need a groundhog for that.
4. Easter Bunny. The discount-rate Santa: A secular figure for a religious holiday. Not as beloved as Santa and rather than gifts, the Easter Bunny brings candy. Questions: Is the Easter Bunny a male or female? Big or small? A mysterious figure in a weird way. And not Peter Cottontail, who hops down the bunny trail when Easter is on its way. Maybe they're cousins?
3. Rudolph. The No. 2 figure in Christmas folklore, but a favorite, despite all the problems with his story (Santa only likes him when he proves useful to the mission, a blinking light doesn't cut through fog very well, etc.). Still a famous, beloved figure.
2. Uncle Sam. The universal symbol of July 4, another widely loved, fun holiday. Who doesn't like fireworks and parades? Even better, who doesn't like Uncle Sam, who – now that he's moved past trying to convince 1950s teenagers to join the Army – spends most of his time in parades or in car advertisements? Put him on stilts and he's even better.
1. Santa Claus. The king of holiday figures, which would make him the Elvis of holiday figures if Elvis Presley had his greatest success when he was fat and jolly. Universally beloved to the point that movies that portray a negative side of him ("Bad Santa," for one) make it clear someone is stealing Santa's identity. Santa is the No. 1 holiday figure in the same way that "Ice, Ice Baby" is Vanilla Ice's No. 1 song. It's not even remotely close.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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