Astronomy can be confusing, but if you don't know the difference between a random planet and Uranus (hah! The inevitable joke!), I've got a trick to remember the planets in our solar system.
The eight planets (nine if you count Pluto) are like an extended family.
While the sun is the combined grandmother/grandfather around which many (both healthy and dysfunctional) families rotate, the planets are each a type of cousin. You are Earth in this discussion. The others? Starting from those closest to the sun:
Mercury and Venus, the two closest planets to the sun are our cool cousins who generally blow off family events because they're doing things beyond our imagination (following their favorite band on an around-the-world trip; hiking the Pacific Crest Trail; living in a trailer in Mexico for a year). Mercury and Venus are different and a little crazy (did you know Venus rotates in the opposite direction of the other planets?). They're both way too hot to explore. We secretly like them, but don't know them. They're our cool cousin planets.
Mars is our closest cousin. Mars spent two weeks at our house every year when we were young. We were in Mars' wedding party and vice-versa. We talk about taking vacations together with Mars, although we haven't done it. If we were to die an early planetary death, Mars would be asked to be a pallbearer and to speak at the funeral.
Jupiter is the older, slightly intimidating cousin (Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system and has 63 moons and a ring system we can faintly see). We've always known Jupiter existed, but it feels more like an adult than most of the other planets. Jupiter didn't pick on Mars and us when we were younger planets, because it didn't interact with us. However, we still watch it. From afar.
Saturn is the crazy cousin who we don't really understand but admire. It's the best-looking of all the cousins because of its rings, but it also has a cool name and is mysterious. Like Jupiter, it has more than 60 moons, but we suspect Saturn's moons are bizarre in some way. If Saturn shows up at a family reunion, it's dressed differently than anyone and listening to a kind of music we've never heard.
Uranus is our oddball cousin. The name, for self-evident reasons. But Uranus also spins on its side – different than any other planet. The entire time we've been in the same solar system, the other planets have snickered at Uranus' name and the way it rotates. Meanwhile, Uranus stays consistent. It comes to every family gathering and talks about science fiction that we don't understand.
Neptune is cold and distant, both as a relative and as a planet. We know it's there but don't know when it will be anywhere near us. Most of us don't know much about it (Was Neptune in the Army? Does it live in Nevada? Montana? Tennessee? Was it ever married? Divorced?). Neptune is part of the family, but a distant part. Neptune may come to a family gathering once a decade and when it leaves, we know nothing more about it.
Pluto is not a planet, officially. It's the "cousin" who is really a neighbor who still shows up at our family reunions. Kind of the Cousin Oliver of planets.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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