That was a (semi-) logical reaction to a study out of England, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine (slogan: Don't forget the second "n" in the first word of our title!) that concluded that moderate consumption of coffee — either with or without sugar — was associated with decreased mortality.
Put simply: People who drink coffee live longer than those (losers) who don't.
Great news, right?
Well, maybe. Because I don't drink coffee black and I don't drink coffee with sugar.
I drink coffee with artificial sweetener and that wasn't determined to be life-extending.
The study determined that of the slightly more than 170,000 people followed for over a decade, those who consumed moderate amounts of coffee (for my purposes, I'll define "moderate" as two or three cups a day. Maybe four. Or five in a bad day. But rarely six, although maybe sometimes. But hardly ever seven.) died at a lower rate of common causes when the data was adjusted for lifestyle, sociodemographic and clinical factors.
Yes. Coffee is the anti-cigarette.
While anyone who smokes is more likely to die of virtually every cause (including catching your body on fire while trying to light a cigarette while weaving in and out of traffic), the study indicates that moderate consumption of coffee with or without sugar makes you less likely to die of everything (including the aforementioned body-on-fire scenario, since you'd likely have coffee with you to put out the inferno).
However, as mentioned earlier, it isn't so clear for those of us who use artificial sweeteners. According to the study's authors, "the association between artificially sweetened coffee and mortality was less consistent." Their conclusion was that it was difficult to know whether artificially sweetened coffee corresponded with longer life.
Come on, man!
Many of us who drink coffee with artificial sweeteners have no other choice. I'm a Type 1 diabetic (something I've bored long-time readers with over the decades), so my choice for coffee is to drink it black (or only with cream) or with sweetener. Since the only people I know who drink black coffee are cops on TV shows and people born before 1930, it's really a choice between drinking coffee with sweetener or not drinking coffee.
Is that really a choice? Again, come on, man!
I'm going to go ahead and take it on faith that it's likely that coffee makes you live longer even if it includes artificial sweeteners.
I say that because that would be good news for me because if I had to stop drinking coffee (and believe me, if I had to drink it black, I would quit), I would likely die sooner.
If for no other reason, because I might take up smoking. And how long would it be before I'd catch my body on fire while trying to light a cigarette while weaving in and out of traffic, without a coffee to douse the flame? Not very long.
Here's the bottom line: Drinking coffee extends your life, because even in the worst-case scenario, it can work as a fire retardant.
Coffee: The wonder drug.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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