Fortunately, life doesn't meet expectations provided by childhood TV shows

It's a writer's cliché to address things that, in our childhood, seemed like they would happen by now: Flying cars. Colonization of the moon. Robot servants.

Those are disappointments (particularly the robots), but let's discuss another series of things that might have surprised us: Confusing events that happened so frequently on TV shows that they seemed a lock to happen to us as adults.

These three things were on TV so often during my childhood that at least I presumed they would happen to me:

Discovering a new student at my school who looks just like me, but wears glasses.

Here's the common plot: A "new student" appears at school who looks exactly like one of the main characters, except for the glasses (or if the character wore glasses, the "new kid" doesn't). This invariably leads to hijinks where the regular character is blamed for something he or she didn't do or the main character gets away with something that was blamed on the "new kid." At age 10, I would said there was a 70% chance that a surprising "twin" would enroll in my junior high or high school. Apparently, that doesn't happen often.

Suffering as someone uses a voodoo doll.

Voodoo was a strangely common theme on TV shows several decades ago – or at least the TV-show version of voodoo, which involved someone making a doll that somewhat resembles another person, then making the doll do crazy things that then happen to the person. Childhood Brad expected to have at least one experience where I couldn't control my limbs or when I inexplicably fell down as my arch enemy twirled a doll version of me. Apparently (fortunately), it doesn't work.

Accidentally bidding on something at an auction.

My childhood experience (on TV) convinced me that every adult ultimately winds up at an auction where expensive pieces of art or museum-level artifacts are being sold to the highest bidder. These auctions are populated by snooty people, many of them with British accents, who use slight nods to make a bid. An unintended twitch or a scratch would be seen as a bid. So was a slight uplift of an arm. At  these auctions, everyone except the TV character was able to control their itching and body movement. Invariably, the main character (who never had money) ended up accidentally winning the auction, putting them in the undesirable spot of having to talk their way out of it. Young Brad was convinced he'd attend an auction and accidentally buy something. Young Brad wasn't confident he'd be able to talk his way out of it. Turns out I've never been to an auction and I've never heard of someone accidentally winning an auction.

I guess TV shows don't accurately reflect real life. Although I'll avoid high-priced auctions, just in case.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Warriors dynasty puts them near (or at?) top of Bay Area sports history

When the Golden State Warriors won their fourth championship in eight years Thursday by beating the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals, they solidified their position as the greatest professional sports dynasty in Bay Area history. Or second-greatest.

I'm not sure.

The Warriors' feat – winning titles in 2015, 2017, 2018 and 2022 – is further enhanced by the fact that they also reached the NBA Finals in 2016 and 2019. Six Finals appearances in eight years is remarkable.

There are four elite dynasties in Bay Area professional team sports history and all are worthy of being among the great dynasties of their eras. Only one (or two?) are the greatest.

The Fab Four, in reverse order:

4. 2010-2014 San Francisco Giants. The even-year champions won three titles in five years, mesmerizing their fans and convincing many that there was some sort of magic. Buster Posey. Tim Lincecum. Matt Cain. Bruce Bochy. The greatest era in Giants history featured spectacular postseasons, but their highest regular-season win total in that era was 94. And they missed the postseason in 2011 and 2013. They rank fourth, but what a dream era for Giants fans.

3. 1971-1975 Oakland A's. The "Swingin' A's" won three World Series in the middle years of this period and also won division titles in 1971 and 1975. With an amazing collection of talent – Reggie Jackson, Catfish Hunter, Sal Bando, Rollie Fingers and a bunch of scrappy, talented teammates – they were the underappreciated even in their era. Unfortunately, the A's had a dreadful owner (sound familiar, A's fans?) and averaged about 12,000 fans per game (the dynasty Giants averaged 40,000). The lack of area-wide passion for the team hurts their standing, as does the fact that they never won more than 94 games in a championship season. Still, three titles and five division championships in a five-year period is amazing.

1b. 1981-94 San Francisco 49ers. The glory days of the 49ers, with five Super Bowls in 14 seasons, including four in the 1980s. This is the traditional gold standard of Bay Area sports eras, with a flood of Hall of Famers (Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Ronnie Lott, Bill Walsh), dramatic wins ("The Catch" against the Cowboys, the Montana-to-John Taylor Super Bowl) and an awkward, but successful transition from Montana to Steve Young at quarterback for the final championship. If you weren't around then, it's hard to imagine how one sports team could so dominate a region's passion. But it did.

1a. 2015-2022 Golden State Warriors. Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green have been the heartbeat of the NBA's best team for more than a decade (they rank second, third and fourth among current NBA players for length of time with one team). This year's performance elevates by Curry likely vaults him into the top 10 players in NBA history. Thompson is a beloved free spirit. Green is the heartbeat of the team. The rebirth of Andrew Wiggins solidified the franchise's reputation as an elite developer and refiner of talent. The Warriors have a veteran core and a group young stars (Jordan Poole, Jonathan Kuminga, James Wiseman), which means this could continue for a while. The five titles by the 49ers is within reach.

The Warriors' run of success is the greatest, but the dynasty 49ers' hold on the region was more intense. Let's call it a tie and see if the Warriors can run it back next season and make it five titles in nine years.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Moloka'i vacation shows isolation isn't perfect, even in paradise

If you've dreamed of life on a deserted island, I've got the place for you: Moloka'i, one of the Hawaiian islands.

Warning: It sounds great, but it's only good.

I mean, it's Hawaii, right?

Mrs. Brad and I recently spent 12 days on Moloka'i, made famous as that place Hawaiians with Hansen's Disease (leprosy) were sent from the 1866 until 1969 (10 years after Hawaii became a state!). That area is still populated and you can visit as part of a chaperoned tour, but that's just a small part of the island.

Here's what we knew about Moloka'i before going: It is sparsely populated (only about 7,000 people), there are only a few restaurants, one grocery store and two gas stations.

On the entire island.

Renting a condo near the beach was cheap (less than $100 per night). Fantastic, right? Kind of.

Our condo was in the private part of a hotel resort that went belly up (the hotel, restaurant and golf course were abandoned) in 2008, making it feel like a ghost town. The golf course largely returned to nature over the 14 years of benign neglect, leaving only cart paths. The boarded-up hotel rooms and restaurant felt something from a post-apocalyptic movie. There were maybe 40 people in a huge resort designed for hundreds, who reportedly paid upward of $400 per night to stay there in the 1990s.

Not now.

We learned a lot in our 12 days on Moloka'i. First of all, we discovered that all Hawaiian beaches aren't created equal. Beaches within walking distance of our condo were great, but the water was rough and choppy. Nobody seems to surf on Moloka'i and the few people on the beaches (most of the time, Mrs. Brad and I were the only people there) avoided the water because it was unpleasant.

We also learned that while we don't need nightclubs and trendy restaurants while on vacation, it's nice to have options. We ate four restaurant meals – three of them at a picnic table outside a hamburger place, one a to-go order from the island's only pizza parlor. Otherwise? Microwaved meals, cold cereal, polish dogs.

It was magnificent to have so much time to relax – my favorite vacation perk is the opportunity to nap whenever the desire strikes and having an open schedule. We each read several books, but learned that we need more than that.

Consider our normal schedule: Get up around 6:30 a.m. (no curtains in the condo, so it was light early) and relax for an hour. Then walk along the ocean on the deserted golf course for another hour. Then breakfast and a trip to the beach for three or four hours before coming home.

That made it about 1 p.m. After a shower, it was 1:30 p.m.

Having more to do would be helpful, even in paradise. Fortunately, we vacationed during the NBA playoffs, so there was a game at 2:30 p.m. or 3 p.m. every day so we watched that, ate dinner, then went walking again before sundown.

It was great.

Until it wasn't enough.

It's weird and seems ungrateful to say a Hawaii vacation wasn't great. It was great. It was relaxing and it was Hawaii!

But it was also informative: We learned that completely unscheduled time, with no options, isn't perfect.

It was trouble in paradise. But, again to be fair, it was in paradise.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Lessons of three partially true cliches for graduates (and others)

Editor's note: Following is Brad Stanhope's prepared graduation speech, which he has maintained and updated every year since the late 1980s, yet never delivered.

Hello graduates and congratulations on making it through the toughest few years since World War II. You endured distance learning, wearing masks and a reasonable concern that every cough was the start of COVID. You are experiencing our nation's deepest division since the Civil War. Plus you've had to act like you understand cryptocurrency.

Now graduation, which is filled with advice. Today, I'm presenting three things you'll hear and why they're true and why they're false.

Find something you love to do and you'll never work a day in your life.

Oh, sure. Passion is important, so don't settle for a job if the only benefit is money. (Unless, of course, you really need the money.)

However, doing something you love might be something like watching Netflix all night or getting high all the time. If pursue those, you might never work a day in your life, but you'll also not have any income or happiness.

The truth: Follow what you love, but also learn to love new things. You'll probably change jobs multiple times in your life.

By the way, whoever said, "find something you love to do and you'll never work a day in your life," must never have had a real job. In any job, there are days that feel like work. That's called being human.

It's not the destination, it's the journey.

Oh, sure. If you're too focused on the goal (making a million dollars, playing professional sports, becoming a famous musician, becoming an assistant manager at a fast-food restaurant, earning enough to move out), you can miss the memorable parts along the way. As John Lennon (who died 20-plus years before you were born) said, "life is what happens while you're making other plans," so be sure to enjoy your journey.

The truth: The destination is important. That's what determines the journey, right? (By the way, it's OK to change your destination, which is why our phone GPS allows us to put in new destinations all the time).

By the way, whoever said, "it's not the destination, it's the journey," clearly never drove down I-5 to Disneyland or across Nevada and Utah on I-80. Those journeys suck.

You'll always regret what you didn't do rather than what you did.

Oh, sure. Many of us wish we would have taken that job offer or asked that person on a date or tried out for that part or for that team. We wish we would have moved to a different town or learned that new skill or joined that club.

The truth: We tend to compartmentalize this and forget the wise decisions to skip things – staying home from that party that ended disastrously; turning down a job that would have been a catastrophe; asking out that person who ended up as a serial killer (OK, maybe extreme). Sometimes, it's wise to not take action.

By the way, whoever said, "you'll always regret what you didn't do rather than what you did" never talked to someone in prison.

Here's some solid, reasonable advice: Follow your passion (within reason). Enjoy the journey (but also remember the destination). Take risks (but not all of them, particularly the kind that you'll regret forever).

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.