Those differences may be due to our personalities and histories. They're possibly due to gender stereotypes: That men compartmentalize and women are more relationship-oriented.
But here's the fundamental problem: While watching my favorite teams, I criticize players. I expect the worst from them and often reference previous mistakes.
She considers me "negative" and will clap back when a criticized player does something well, insisting that I didn't believe in him.
I say I was just being honest.
She says I'm not being supportive.
And we keep watching the game.
I have a theory on why this happens, but it comes with spin to make me look more reasonable.
The theory: Like most sports fans, I have spent a lifetime being disappointed by my favorite teams. I love the Warriors, Giants and 49ers (in that order) and while they've all had championship runs, they– like virtually all teams – spend much more time being bad. Sometimes (Warriors) they were dreadful, sometimes (Giants) they occasionally got close enough to just break my heart.
(Note: The post-2010 championships of the Giants and Warriors have been thrilling. But all those titles came after a lifetime of disappointment. I was a fully formed fan before their glory days started.)
My hypothesis is I learned to protect myself against the inevitable heartbreak by expecting the worst. That means I frequently say things like, "Oh, this is going to be an excruciating loss" or "that mistake is going to cost them the game."
It's not being negative, it's being self-protective. (So I say.)
I also merely state facts. If Stephen Curry misses his first 10 shots, it's accurate to say he's having a terrible shooting night. When Jimmy Garoppolo throws high passes over the middle, it is correct to say that will lead to interceptions. When the Giants bring in a reliever and he walks the first two batters, it's valid to call that a terrible start. (So I say.)
Mrs. Brad sees it differently.
She's a legit sports fan – she grew up with a football-coach dad and married a sports writer, so you could say she had no option. That would ignore the fact that when I was a sportswriter, I would often come home from work to find her watching NBA playoff games. Last summer, she suddenly started watching five-hour daily broadcasts of the Tour de France and other European cycling races. She now has theories on what makes a great cycling team. She remembers NBA facts that I forget.
But to her, athletes – stars like Steph Curry, but even more so, role players for whom she develops a love (Marquese Chriss, Kirt Manwaring, Andris Biedrins) are friends or family and should always be supported.
If you like them, you shouldn't criticize them. To her, me griping about missed free throws by Andrew Wiggins is like me criticizing one of our sons.
When I grumble, "That's a terrible shot!" or bark, "throw a freaking strike!" she tells me to stop being negative. Ultimately, when another shot goes in or the pitcher gets out of the jam or the quarterback throws a touchdown pass, she tells me I didn't believe in them.
I say I believed in them. My criticism was valid! (So I say.)
We just see things differently. Like my love of early 1970s pop music. Or her enjoyment of "Project Runway." Or our differing opinions about yogurt.
As we near our 37th anniversary, the differences are what keep it interesting, I guess. But everything would be perfect if the Warriors would get into their offense quicker and Giants pitchers would throw strikes and the 49ers stopped committing pass interference penalties.
Which is negative. Or valid criticisms. (So I say.)
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment