Period of trouble has created series of brilliant excuses

If the past 18 months have brought plenty of misery (hint: they have!), they also have brought to mind a saying credited to Winston Churchill: "Never let a good crisis go to waste."

That's not to suggest using a pandemic to make money or make political hay (although both have certainly happened). My suggestion is simpler.

The past year and a half has created three new outstanding excuses that we can use. These either didn't exist or weren't widely used before March 2020.

Now? We can use them all the time.

Example One: Covid.

This is the most obvious. You don't have to be at risk of getting Covid-19 to use it as an excuse. In the post-pandemic world (I don't mean the pandemic is over. I mean the start of the pandemic is over), you can opt-out of almost anything due to Covid.

For instance: You forget your sister's birthday and get called out about it. Those calling you out not only called on her birthday but also dropped off a present and hired a band to serenade her while keeping socially distant. Seems like you might be in trouble, right? How could you use Covid as an excuse?

Simple: "Sorry I missed your birthday. I just don't think it's appropriate to celebrate in the midst of a pandemic. Maybe later." Double points, since you made an excuse and you set yourself up as superior, despite forgetting your sister's birthday.

Example Two: HIPAA rights.

Many famous people – particularly athletes – have claimed that it would violate their HIPAA rights to talk about whether they are vaccinated against Covid. Of course, HIPAA's biggest benefit was the ability to continue health insurance after leaving a job, but we mostly associate it with privacy. Key note: HIPAA's privacy guidelines generally apply to medical care providers and insurance, with some extended protection (often to an employer, for instance). Still? A good excuse.

For instance: Your spouse is reviewing the monthly bills and wants to know why you spent $150 on an Amazon purchase that was delivered to your office. The two of you agreed to a budget and this wasn't included. She asks what you bought.

Simple: "I'd love to tell you, but that information would violate my HIPAA rights." When pressed, insist that even discussing it may be a HIPAA violation and you'd prefer to keep that private.

Example Three: Supply chain issue.

This is the issue du jour in American commerce, a combination of ports being backed up, supply shortages and dislocations (whatever that means). We're being told it will drive up prices and cause a crunch for the holidays. How do you use this as an excuse?

For instance: Let's say you've volunteered to do the laundry or mow the lawn or vacuum every week and your roommate wants to know when you're going to do so. You promised, after all.

Simple: "That's complicated, but essentially it's a supply chain issue. I'd love to vacuum, but you know . . . all the dislocations. Things are backed up." If pushed, you come back with the old double-whammy: "I don't feel like it's safe to vacuum, due to the pandemic. And to discuss it anymore would be a violation of my HIPAA rights."

By the way, if you don't like this column, sorry. There would have been a different one, but there were supply chain issues.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.