It was canceled last year due to the pandemic, but remains one of Fairfield's best events. Notably, my son (now 30) and I saw "The Goofy Movie" for free at the downtown movie theaters in the early years of the event. So there's that.
During the festival's history, I've made probably several pitches to become the event's poet laureate.
Not because I want to read my poetry in public. Not because I'm the greatest poet in town. It's mostly because it would be a great addition to my LinkedIn page and it provides me a column topic during the dog days of summer.
It's selfish. But it also seems like something the Tomato Festival organizers should consider, since having a poet laureate would add a layer of class. Otherwise, the Tomato Festival will be trying to ketchup with other festivals. Get it?
That's not a poem, that's a joke, but it shows my cleverness.
Anyway, here are some samples of my poetry (consider this my resume):
SONNET
What fruit does yon county seat honor?
Its beauty is far greater than the plum
We use it on burgers and on hot dogs
It's detractors? Universally dumb
During August we hail thee as queen fruit
Thine taste and thou uses we celebrate
For thy majesty serves as the top seed
All other contenders are second rate
We'll beat towns that fete the digestible
With you, our great Tomato Festival
HAIKU
Oh, downtown Fairfield
Oh, Tomato Festival
Oh, add the word "Vine"
LIMERICK
In Solano's fields it brings lots of loot,
But is a tomato a veggie or fruit?
Whether it's either or neither,
Just please take a breather
At this festival that question is moot
RHYMING COUPLET
All hail the tomato, for all that you do
You originally come from our friends in Peru
The favorite in salads in South Carolina
The top exporting country is actually China
It provides useful fruit for a son or a daughter
And 94.5 percent of its weight is from water
While weeding around them, keep on your glove
In France it is known as the "apple of love"
For Solano County, it's agricultural glue
In dollar volume of crops it's ranked No. 2
As California's sun rises, the vines they stretch up
Creating what can be used to make ketchup
If hearing these details make you feel shook
Go find Tony Wade and buy his history book
ACROSTIC
Touch the world, wild vegetable
Or are you a fruit, as our teachers told us?
Maybe you're a combination of veggies and fruits
After all, you don't have to be only one thing
Turn your focus to ripen and feed us
Or become pizza sauce or a V-8
Even then we'll enjoy you
Surely that spells out your name!
BEATNIK POETRY
Solanum lycopersicum!
Grows on the ground!
Tomato, potato, tornado!
Spinning to infinity!
Your juices are blood red, the blood of tyrants!
Curse the darkness!
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.
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