Advertising tips to make the most of 2021's myriad holidays

When it comes to advertising, not everybody can be Nike ("Just Do It") or Budweiser ("The King of Beers"). For many advertisers, the secret sauce isn't coming up with a clever slogan ("Breakfast of Champions," "Finger-Licking Good"), but tying your product to something everyone loves.

Holidays.

I'm talking about advertisements that come out around Halloween that say something like, "Prices at Stanhope Foods are so low, they're scary! They're not a trick, they're a treat for you, the customer!" Or those that come out around Easter: "It's an egg-stravaganza of savings! Hop on down to Stanhope Auto and resurrect your savings."

Maybe not that extreme, but close – and they're great. As a longtime writer and consumer of advertising, I present suggestions to tie products to a variety of holidays, which will help the product and (coincidentally!) bring additional advertising revenue to the newspaper.

These are the pitches for an imaginary business, Stanhope Products. Insert your company's name for a sense of realism, then contact this newspaper's advertising department and wait for the money to start pouring in.

Going through the year:

• Martin Luther King Jr. Day: "At Stanhope Products, we have a dream . . . that we can save you up to 50% on specially marked items!"
• Groundhog Day: "Whether Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not, one thing is certain: There will be at least six more weeks of great deals at Stanhope Products!"
• Valentine's Day: "At Stanhope Products, we're smitten with low prices. You'll love our selection!"
• President's Day: "Whether you drive a Lincoln or a Ford, we won't take you for Grant(ed). One sale of Stanhope Products is worth two in the Bush(es)."
• St. Patrick's Day: "You don't need the 'luck of the Irish' to get a good deal at Stanhope Products. Come down and get half off all of everything, including a full selection of Patty O'Furniture!"
• Cinco de Mayo: "It's a fiesta of savings at Stanhope Products!"
• Mother's Day: "We've got the mother of all great deals at Stanhope Products. Mom will celebrate you for these bargains!"
• Flag Day: "Stars and stripes may be forever, but these great prices can't last! Come and enjoy the (old) glory of huge savings!"
• Independence Day: "On Independence Day, we'll save you a Fourth of the price. That's right, 25% off at Stanhope Products!"
• Labor Day: "We'll do the work if you do the purchasing. Everything you buy at Stanhope Products will be carried to your car on Labor Day!"
• Yom Kippur: "You'll really be in mourning if you miss the best-of-the-year prices at Stanhope Products!"
• Columbus Day: "Time to discover new savings at Stanhope Products and with every $100, we'll throw in a free case of smallpox!"
• End of daylight saving time: "At Stanhope Products, our prices will make you fall back in amazement!"
• Veterans Day: "Thank you for your service. And speaking of service, nobody has better service than Stanhope Products. Come on down and see!"
• Thanksgiving: "Don't be a turkey! Come and take advantage of Stanhope Products' super-low prices by 'stuffing' your cart full of our inventory. You'll be extra thankful this year!"
• Christmas Day: "The three wise men agree: There's nowhere with better service and prices than Stanhope Products. Get your (Santa) claws on our deals!"
• New Year's Eve: "It's a day of 'auld low prices' as we ring out the old year at Stanhope Products!"

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.