Germophobes take a victory lap with COVID-19 pandemic

The worst part of the COVID-19 pandemic is the enormous loss of life.

The second-worst part is all the people who were made sick and the third-worst is the incalculable damage it has done to our economy.

The fourth-worst? Germophobes will now take a victory lap.

By that I don't mean the real germophobes – people who have a diagnosed phobia about germs, often related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. I mean others, who have fully embraced the idea that the world is a filthy place and that anyone who disagrees with them is wrong.

For years, they've refused to touch the doors in restrooms. For years, they've lamented how filthy hotel rooms or restaurants or offices are, while the rest of us don't notice.

Over the past few decades, they've included their children in their philosophy, constantly wiping the little ones' hands, anguishing when their child goes to the park or to a neighbor's house or eats food that dropped on the kitchen floor. All the while, they also criticized the rest of us. Sometimes outwardly, always inwardly. (Editor's note: Brad may be exhibiting paranoia about germophobes.)

For germophobes, COVID-19 is like winning the Super Bowl. Now everyone is constantly washing their hands, fretting about whether their groceries have a virus on them, keeping their children at home. Those restaurants and hotels are closed, because they finally have to admit they can't keep things germ-free. Finally everyone agrees: The world is a dangerous, filthy place and the only approach is to fear the germs and constantly clean things.

The germophobes won.

For now.

In 2020, the world looks to the rest of us like it always has to them: dangerous, unpredictable. There are invisible enemies that are out to get us. We need to go wash our hands – in fact, let's make sure we wash our hands in hot water for 20 seconds. We need to wear masks in public. We will never shake hands or hug someone – they might have bugs on them!

I've spent the better part of my adulthood mocking those who fear germs (again, not people with a real condition, but those who rush to embrace the fear). I've talked about drinking out of toilet tanks and of rubbing my hands all over restaurant tables.

Now I'm wrong. Those things aren't funny. The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything. Germophobes are on top of the world. They're right.

Except . . . this doesn't last forever.

Let me remind the germophobes that at one time, we all agreed that blood-letting was the cure for almost everything.

We agreed that smoking menthol cigarettes was healthy.

We agreed that Bill Cosby was America's father.

We agreed that the Internet would make us all smarter and more informed.

When COVID-19 ends –whether it's by herd immunity or a vaccination or an act of God – the world will be different. People will be less likely to shake hands. People will wash their hands more. People will be nervous about gathering in large groups.

But once we're reassured we're safe, here's what I will do: I will touch bathroom doors. I will wash my hands only when needed. I will not fear germs.

COVID-19 can change the world, but it won't make me into a germophobe.

Maybe it should, but this is where I draw the line.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com. But wash your hands first.