Lessons from pandemic on how we define ourselves

It was maybe Day 1 or Day 2 of the shelter-in-place order. Having worked eight hours at my kitchen-table desk, gone on two walks and paced around the house several times, I created a 9-hole putt-putt golf course, using plastic cups as holes.

Finally, I walked into the office, where Mrs. Brad was calmly, silently working on a crafts project.

"I don't know how you introverts do this!" I shouted.

A month later, it's easier to understand. That clarity comes with a deeper understanding that most of us aren't extremes. We aren't necessarily far right or far left. We aren't necessarily savers or spenders. We aren't necessarily creative or practical. We aren't necessarily givers or takers.

And we're not necessarily extreme introverts or extroverts. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. That's one of the personal lessons of this pandemic. We're flexible.

Remember the outset? That's when introverts had a field day, posting on social media how they've been preparing their whole life for this (an aside: isn't posting on social media about how introverted you are a very non-introvert thing to do? Wouldn't a true introvert have no interest in letting other people know about them?).

Then time passed.

Some self-identified introverts needed social interaction. Some self-identified extroverts discovered they were OK by themselves.

Here's what we should have discovered: We like to put others in a box, then insist that we're the outliers. It's easier for me to categorize others by painting them black and white. They're conservative. They're shy. They hate change. They are artistic.

However, we all know that we're a little different. We can't be put in a box. We're more nuanced. We think we're the only  ones.

I am not saying that introverts aren't different from extroverts. It's easier for me to be in public, it's easier for me to be around people. I draw energy from others, while introverts (such as Mrs. Brad) have energy drained from them by being around others. But I'm not 100 percent extrovert. Mrs. Brad isn't 100 percent introvert. We're both – like you and everyone you know – somewhere in the middle.

Sheltering in place for the past six weeks revealed many things. Myriad political and sociological fissures have been exposed, perhaps the subject of another column.

But we've  learned that our personalities are more flexible than thought. If you felt like it would be paradise to be locked away, maybe you now know you need people. If you felt like you need to be around people and active all the time, maybe you've learned that you can handle a lockdown.

I want this to end. I want it to end for health and economic reasons. I want it to end for practical reasons (I need to get my car smogged! I want grocery stores to be fully stocked!). I want it to end for personal reasons (there's only so many times you can play the same 9-hole putting course).

But I hope when it ends, we realize we're more flexible than we thought. We're more complex than we thought.

It's not a introvert/extrovert dichotomy.

Maybe if we understand that, we'll realize it's also not a liberal/conservative or saver/spender or artistic/practical dichotomy. We can find middle ground and quit painting others in black and white.

A guy can hope.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.