Let's simplify things by shrinking the alphabet

With all this extra time to think, something became obvious: It's time to simplify the alphabet.

We're in unprecedented times, why not make the world a better place? Let's fix the alphabet.

Crazy? Maybe, but there's nothing sacred about 26 letters making up the English alphabet. In fact, our alphabet has had 26 letters only since the 16th century. Before that, variations of the alphabet was more fluid.

U and V were the same letter. J didn't exist. The ampersand (&) was a letter.

Seriously. (Or seriovsly, depending on how you view it.)

The current 26 letters were generally agreed to by the late 16th century, then Robert Cawdry published the first English dictionary in 1604. That set a new standard. (Interesting point: Cawdry's dictionary doesn't have several words we have now: "Twitter," "twerk" and "photobomb" were inexplicably left out.)

It's time to change.

Why should we change now? Two reasons (in addition to the lockdown due to the coronavirus outbreak (or coronauirus, depending on your 16th-century preference):

• It's been 400 years and it's time to change. Since 1600, we've seen massive changes in health care, media, entertainment, communication and how the public views men wearing big white wigs. The alphabet is due a change.
• We can simplify. There are redundancies in our alphabet. Also, a drop to 25 makes the number a better choice. Twenty-five is a square number. It's one-quarter of 100. Barry Bonds and Fred Biletnikoff each wore No. 25. Orson Wells wrote, directed and starred in "Citizen Kane" at age 25. Charles Lindbergh flew across the Atlantic at age 25.

So 25 letters, with one elimination. And one other change:

Eliminate C. With one exception (which is easily addressed), "C" could be replaced by "S" or "K" in virtually all words and keep the same sound. Quick: Think of any word with a "C." Replace it "K" or "S." Right?

The one exception ("exseption?") is the "ch" sound. However, I'd suggest that can be replaced by "sh," even though it means my oldest son's name would be Shad, instead of Chad. Now that I think of it, Shad is a pretty cool name.

Let's get rid of C.

Make Qu a letter. This is so obvious it makes me uncomfortable to suggest it. It's like telling someone they have their shirt on backward – you wonder if it's a trick and they're just testing you. The letter Q never appears without being immediately followed by a "U." (If you play Scrabble, don't tell me some weird word. That's not a real word. No one uses it in real life.)

That we have Q as a standalone letter is like if Black operated separate from Decker, but no one bought anything from him (her?). Or if Lewis insisted he was an explorer, but only really traveled with Clark. Or if Art Garfunkel . . . had exactly the musical career that he had.

Art Garfunkel is the music equivalent of Q! I could have saved myself two paragraphs had I realized that earlier.

Anyway, there you have it. I just simplified the alphabet.

In the middle of a health crisis, this feels like a kon(qu)est.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.