Exclusive interview with dethroned king of apples

The Red Delicious apple was sad. With good reason.

In August, the U.S. Apple Association announced what had been clear for a long time: Red Delicious is fading. Gala is growing.

For the first time in “at least five decades,” the Red Delicious apple isn’t the best-selling apple in the world. Years of being popular in lunch boxes, pies and fruit salads aren’t over, but Red is moving into the shadows.

“This isn’t how I expected it to end,” Red told the Daily Republic in an exclusive interview. “This shakes me to the core . . . get it?”

Red sighed. Being the Tom Brady of the apple world is great, until you suddenly are watching another apple move into the spotlight.

Red Delicious dropped to No. 2. According to the aforementioned Apple Association report, U.S. growers will produce 52.4 million 42-pound boxes of Gala apples this year, compared to 51.7 million boxes of Red Delicious.

People at the Apple Association said this ends a run of at least 50 years at the top for Red, but couldn’t be more specific.

Red could.

“I remember exactly when I became No. 1. It was 1967,” Red said. “I was on top of the world. The next year, the song 'Little Green Apples' came out and didn’t faze me. Then the Beatles formed Apple records and that didn’t faze me. Those were the days. It was the first time I shouted, 'How you like them apples?' Those were my salad days . . . no pun intended.”

The rest of the top five apples, by the way, include Granny Smith, Fuji and Honeycrisp.

“Honeycrisp? That'’s crazy,” Red said. “That’s not an apple. That’s a science experiment.”

Red said he was particularly hurt by the fact that the Honeycrisp (which is genetically engineered) edged out the Golden Delicious for the fifth spot on this year’s list.

“Golden is my brother. We’re the Delicious brothers,” Red said. “We’re like Steph and Seth Curry. Or Alec and one of those other Baldwin brothers. And comparing Golden and the Honeycrisp is like comparing us to oranges, right? Totally different things.”

The rise of new varieties is the main reason for Red’s decline, according to Darren Seifer, a food and beverage industry analyst who was quoted by Bloomberg in an article on Gala's ascension.

“Today’s health trend for consumers is proving you’re authentic and wholesome,” Seifer said. “It’s more about individualism. Brands must find a way to appeal to that individualism.”

When I read that quote to Red, he scoffed.

“I’m not saying that guy is a bad apple – no pun intended – but he’s overthinking it,” Red said. “I was good enough to last through Woodstock, Watergate, disco, all of the Jurassic Park movies, the Macarena craze, the dot-com bubble and Sarah Palin’s vice-presidential candidacy. And what’s more wholesome than a Red Delicious apple? I mean think of the name. I’m Red. I’m Delicious. I’m an apple. What the heck does Gala even mean?”

Red said consumers’ attraction to what he called “new, unproven” fruit could be problematic.

“It only takes one bad apple to spoil the whole bunch,” Red said.

Then he hung up from his iPhone.

Made, of course, by Apple.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.