The past year in review? Strife, fires, disasters.
And that's just the seasons for the Giants and Raiders, right?
Anyway, we're finishing the time of year when news outlets highlight the top stories of the previous year, so I'm doing something different: Predicting what's to come.
That's right, this is a worldwide scoop. Below are 13 things that will happen in 2018, predicted by Bradstradamus. Take these to the bank!
Jan. 17: While at the grocery store, you see several lines and pick the shortest one. By the time you reach the cashier, the other lines have cycled through twice and have no one standing in them.
Feb. 14: Social media fills with people saying how much they hate Valentine's Day, which reminds you: You don't really like it either, you just don't say it.
Feb. 20: Midway through the Winter Olympics, everyone agrees that NBC's coverage of the Games is terrible and we lament that coverage isn't like it used to be – hearkening to a time when we . . . complained about the coverage and lamented that it wasn't what it used to be.
March 5: A day after watching the Academy Awards on TV, you declare that you'll go see that movie that won all the awards. Then you wait until it comes to Netflix. Then you forget it.
April 28: Midway through the NBA playoffs, I insist that there is no guarantee that the Warriors and Cavaliers will meet for the fourth consecutive year in the Finals, because anything can happen.
May 31: Warriors and Cavaliers begin their fourth straight NBA Finals.
June 22: On the second day of summer, state leaders warn that this could be a terrible fire season, due to the lack of rain (or abundance of rain, or regular amount of rain) during the winter. In other words, when everything dries out later in the year, fire danger will be high. Hmm.
July 5: You wake up exhausted, due to watching fireworks (they don't start until after 9:15 p.m.!) and being kept awake by insane neighbors who make your neighborhood sound like a war zone. Welcome to America!
Aug. 22: President Donald Trump tweets something that inflames his opponents and excites his supporters, even though it's just a tweet from a 72-year-old man who doesn't know the rules concerning capitalization. #Sad!
Sept. 17: A man at Allan Witt Park spends much of the afternoon teaching his 12-year-old poodle how to fetch a stick, thus disproving the old saying that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Oct. 31: After seeing a coworker or friend dressed up for Halloween, you have an idea of how you could dress up next year. Within 10 minutes, you forget it. Until Oct. 31, 2019.
Dec. 23: I write another of the "Solano County quiz" columns, alternately boring and thrilling readers. Mostly the former. (Bet the farm on this one.)
Dec. 31: You see (on a website, social media or TV) a list of all the bad things that happened in 2018 – dramatic news, natural disasters, celebrity deaths – and think, "2019 has to be better." Because you already forgot that a man taught an old dog a new trick just a few months earlier.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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