Extinction news causes fear, loathing, confusion

News about extinction is rarely good. This was no exception.

Scientists recently reported that Earth is entering a mass-extinction event, with the likelihood that three-quarters of all species could disappear in the coming centuries.

It wouldn't bother me as much if we were talking only about mosquitoes, raccoons, house flies and rats. But it's worse.

"What is at stake is really the state of humanity," said Gerardo Ceballos, co-author of the study "Biological annihilation via the ongoing sixth mass extinction signaled by vertebrate population losses and declines."

I would call it, "You'll miss us when we're gone!" for marketing purposes. But that's just my opinion.

According to the report, issued in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (similarly a terrible name for a magazine, in my opinion), nearly one-third of land-based mammal, bird, amphibian and reptile species are shrinking in both their numbers and territorial range.

That leads scientists to declare that we're in the sixth mass-extinction event in Earth history, which is concerning because it still trails the number of films in the Harry Potter, Star Wars and Fast and Furious franchises. Maybe extinctions can catch up.

The sixth mass-extinction event! If you're not a historian, here are some of the things lost in the previous extinction events:

• Dinosaurs.
• Vaudeville.
• Two-hour baseball games.
• Manual transmissions.
• Black-and-white movies.
• Life magazine.

There are many who are concerned that the next one may take cable and satellite television with it, which would have a significant effect on you if you haven't cut the cord. Also at risk: landline telephones, owner-operated hardware stores and televised bowling.

Catastrophic, indeed.

But back to what the scientists think. One scientist said that we've wiped out half of Earth's wildlife in the past 40 years and says, "if we keep cutting by half every 40 years, there's going to be nothing left," a point that would be debunked by mathematicians, who would point out that if you keep halving things, it never goes to zero.

But that's just the old science vs. math argument. (Which gets amplified when scientists refer to math as "arithmetic," which math experts consider a demeaning term for some reason.)

The report's authors highlight several animals that are rapidly disappearing, including African elephants, jaguars and barn swallows.

And the report includes something that was previously unknown to me, namely, that there is an ongoing dispute about whether Earth's six mass extinction has already begun.

Those suggesting it has point to such factors as the extreme drop in many animal populations, the reduction in forests or other habitats, the return of "rat tail" haircuts for men and the advent of the "YouTube celebrity."

Ceballos said that regardless of where you stand on the issue of whether the extinction event has already begun, there is urgency. He said, though, that there is reason for optimism.

"The good news is we still have time . . . the window of opportunity is small, but we can still do something to save species and populations," he said.

My proposal: Let's not follow the lead of brachiopods, elpistostegalians, archosaurs and Crystal Pepsi, all of which were eliminated in previous mass extinctions.

Let's do something!

For starters, let's limit the number of movies you can make in one franchise. We'll figure out the rest later.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.