The 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey gold medal victory was the greatest sporting event of my youth. Hank Aaron's 715th homer and Bruce Jenner's win in the 1976 Olympic decathlon rank second and third.
Fourth? Gabe Kaplan's win over Robert Conrad in the 110-yard runoff during the 1976 "Battle of the Network Stars" television show.
It. Was. Epic.
For a kid who lived in a town with two TV stations (one shared ABC and NBC programming), any TV sports were important. That the star of my favorite TV show ("Welcome Back, Kotter") outran the cocky star of "Baa Baa Black Sheep" (and former star of "Wild, Wild West") to give ABC a much-deserved win in the relay race was high drama.
Seriously. It was huge. Gabe Kaplan's win was the talk of the school the next day.
This subject is pertinent because "Battle of the Network Stars" returns to TV June 29, airing on ABC.
It won't be the same because the world changed. To be clear, the previous incarnation of the show (which ran from 1976 to 1985, but had its glory years in the first two or three seasons) was bad. But in a world where we embraced weak programming, it was all we had.
"Battle of the Network Stars" aired in the glory days of trash sports on TV. King of the hill was "The Superstars," on ABC, which pitted the best athletes from professional sports in a series of events outside their area: Bike races, swim races, rowing races and obstacle courses (Lynn Swann could hurdle the high-jump bar!). It was must-see TV.
And so was "Battle of the Network Stars," which was important because actors on network TV really were stars. It meant something to watch Lynda Carter, Adrienne Barbeau, Ed Asner, Billy Crystal, Penny Marshall and Kristy McNichol compete in relay races, a tug-of-war competition and even a dunk tank showdown.
The host? Howard Cosell, who lent gravitas, since he was also ABC's man on the spot for such things as Muhammad Ali championship fights and Monday Night Football.
Of course the Kaplan-Conrad 1976 showdown was the high point of the series' history (and one of the highlights of my young life). It was the "Battle of the Network Stars" version of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, the Ali-Frazier fights or the Coke-Pepsi rivalry.
The runoff came after the event judge ruled that Conrad's NBC team committed a foul during the relay race, which enraged Conrad. It seriously enraged him.
Reviewing a YouTube clip of the event shows that Conrad was as much a jerk as my teenage brain perceived, as he argued, threatened to quit, then agreed to the runoff with Kaplan to settle it. Every sane American, it seemed, was in Kaplan's corner as the actors settled what Cosell called "a big brouhaha."
The race was even through the first half, then Kaplan pulled away, outrunning Conrad into the celebratory arms of Farrah Fawcett Majors, Lynda Carter, Ron Howard and other stars as I danced in my family's living room.
Now the program is back. Producers promise matchups between such groups as "Cops vs. TV sitcoms," "lawyers vs. White House," "TV moms and dads vs. TV kids" and more.
Fine. But here's what the new incarnation of the show can't offer: The drama from a time when there were three TV networks and so little sports on TV that a teenage Brad jumped in the air to celebrate a win by Gabe Kaplan – a victory that his friends the next day treated like the end of World War II.
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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