You can make the case that today's Super Bowl LI isn't the ultimate game. Because, as Dallas Cowboys running back Duane Thomas pointed out 45 years ago, if it's the ultimate game, why are they playing another one next year?
Still, it's today. And it's on TV. And everyone will be talking about it tomorrow, assuming the new president doesn't do something to upstage it in the next 24 hours.
You might as well watch, in the same way you'll watch the Academy Awards, any royal wedding and every episode of a new "Battle of the Network Stars."
This is football and you need a team. That's where I provide a service – for the non-fan or anyone who can't decide who to support.
In the spirit of those voter's guides we get before elections that feature the pros and cons to each proposition on the ballot, I present the arguments for and against each team, based on things that don't require extensive football knowledge and could be based on facts (or wild conjecture).
Why the Patriots: Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in NFL history and, although he's kept it quiet, is the son of Peter Brady of "The Brady Bunch." The team is from New England, which is clearly an improvement over Old England. Also, the Patriots are, by definition, patriotic, which we support. The Patriots are playing in their seventh Super Bowl since 2001, which is five more than the 49ers and Raiders combined during that time, so they must be good. Finally, Patriots owner Robert Kraft wears shirts with collars that are a different color from the rest of the shirt, which is cool. Finally, Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston (which is the real home of the team).
Why not the Patriots: Boston sports fans are insufferable boors and another championship will just add to their arrogance – and who needs to hear another team described as "wicked good?" Brady, while the grandson of Mike and Carol Brady (she's his step-grandmother), was suspended for four games this year for cheating (details not important, but they involved deflating a football), so a win for him would disprove the old saying that "cheaters never prosper." Their owner, Robert Kraft, wears those dumb shirts with collars that are a different color from the shirt. Finally, Bobby Brown was born in Boston.
Why the Falcons: The franchise has never won a Super Bowl and is long overdue. Quarterback Matt Ryan is the youngest son of Jack Ryan, star of the Tom Clancy books and who was played in the movies by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, Ben Affleck and Chris Pine, so he probably knows what to do in case of a terrorist attack. The Falcons share a nickname with both Fairfield High School and Solano Community College, so there's a local connection. In addition to being the unofficial capital of the South, Atlanta has the nickname of "Hotlanta," which is awesome (I've tried to get people to call my hometown "Hotsun City," but it didn't work even though the sun is hot). Finally, Martin Luther King Jr. was born in Atlanta.
Why not the Falcons: Atlanta has among the worst fans in sports – the Braves played postseason games in front of empty seats, the Hawks frequently perform in front of crowds that are more interested in the opposition and the Falcons have, at times, had to give away tickets to get fans to fill their stadium. Michael Vick played for the Falcons and he did some bad stuff. Their owner comes to the sidelines too much and dances badly. Finally, Kanye West was born in Atlanta.
So here's the big question: Do you cheer for the hometown of Kanye West or Bobby Brown?
When are the Academy Awards?
Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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