We had Facebook, then dumped it for Twitter, which reduced messages to 140 characters or less. Then we dumped Twitter for Instagram, which is photographs for people who don't want to have to read 140 characters. Then we dumped Instagram for Snapchat, which makes photos disappear quickly (by "we," of course, I mean "you").
Similarly, we like templates. Give me a template for a cover letter. Give me a template for an email. Give me talking points. Don't make me think.
The reason for shortcuts and templates? It takes too much time to figure out how to communicate, which is why I have a suggestion for the next step in templates: Speaking templates.
Brilliant?
Brilliant!
They're vague, yet applicable. They give us an idea of what to say and our listener can fill in the blanks with their own experience. The result? We save time and our "audience" gets something interesting. It's the ultimately 21st-century experience: simple, short and personally satisfying.
From a template.
You may not understand, so let me give you some examples.
For instance, someone brings up a subject at the workplace and you want to get a few laughs – by topping it with your own similar story. Under my plan, you would say this (Template 1):
"You think that's funny? Well I once did a similar thing but in a way that was much worse and had a hilarious result!"
People will fill in the blanks. They'll laugh. Each person will feel like it's personalized and you'll be the winner.
Similarly, consider the next time you are called upon to make a public speech. It's crucial to have something at the start that relaxes the audience and gets them on your side. Here's my suggestion (Template 2):
"I'm glad you're here. This morning when I was thinking about coming here, I had this outrageous, but believable experience that ended with something that you wouldn't expect, but when I explain it, you realize the whole story made sense and then you laugh with me and like me!"
People will laugh. And like you.
Another template: The idea of how to express empathy to someone going through a difficult time, since we recognize the difficulty of knowing the right balance of giving comfort and not minimizing another person's pain. So you can say this (Template 3):
"I feel appropriately sad for you in a way that makes you feel like I understand. But not so much that it makes you feel like I am making this about me. I'm really making it about you thinking that I'm nice because I comforted you."
They'll feel better. And so will you.
This comes from my experience of relating with Mrs. Brad. After three decades of marriage, I've learned how to listen to her talk about her feelings. In fact, I recently said this (Template 3a):
"Wow. That must be important. I hope you see in my expression that I am empathizing with you and saying the appropriate, short answer that meets your needs and then makes you smile. I also hope you feel better so we don't have to talk about this again."
It must have worked. She hasn't tried to talk about her feelings since.
There's more to come: How to communicate with someone you just met. How to engage with someone on a first date. How to respond to criticism well.
Templates are great (Except 3a, which didn't work well with Mrs. Brad)!
Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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