Whatever.
Let's go with the idea that I'm sticking it to The Man. Valentine's Day? No thanks!
The pressure to participate in the annual celebration of love is strong. You're expected to do something romantic, so it's a lose-lose situation.
If you do something, it's because it was expected. If not, you're a jerk.
I'm (largely) not doing anything today. But I insist it's not because of my jerkiness, but because I'm standing up to Big Valentine, the candy-and-flowers lobby.
Who's with me?
Anyone?
OK, here's another reason I'm largely ignoring Valentine's Day: Mrs. Brad doesn't like the holiday. And in a topic that's either related or unrelated, she also loves cheap candy, which ironically makes Valentine's month one of the best times of the year.
More on that later. But first, this:
A close friend at work is getting married this summer and her fiancé is pulling off romantic moves that make it look like his life is being managed by the producers of "The Bachelor." Roses. Candles. Special dinners. Invitation to take my friend, her mom and sister to dinner. He is living like a character in a romance novel – I half expect him to arrive shirtless, on a horse at the office one of these days.
My reaction? Partly awe. Partly concern that he's setting an impossibly high standard.
I feel like the haggard war veteran seeing the new recruit running to battle while being concerned about his long-term safety. Save a little for the future, son!
When Mrs. Brad and I began dating, I did a lot of romantic things. I must have – I'm sure she remembers, but that part of my brain is taken up by the starting lineup of the 1982 Giants and the lyrics to the theme of "Laverne and Shirley."
But here's one of the best things about Mrs. Brad: Since I started dating her decades ago, she's had a thing for cheap seasonal candy. She likes those orange slices that come out at Halloween. She likes Christmas candy. If there was a July 4 candy, she'd like that, too, as a chaser to Peeps from Easter.
But most of all, she likes the "conversation hearts" candies that arrive in the grocery store every Jan. 2, replacing the New Year's Eve champagne and party favors. They're on sale for six weeks at really low prices.
Since we started dating, Mrs. Brad has lit up when I give her a box of the candy. And when she eats them, it's a production: She reads the heart to me, then eats it. "First kiss," she'll say, then eat the heart. "My love," she'll coo, then eat the heart. I nod while watching the game on TV.
It's an inexpensive way to celebrate Valentine's Day for weeks!
As we celebrate today, allow me to give a little relationship advice.
Be romantic, but pace yourself.
Treat your loved one with romance and respect every day.
Don't wait for an annual holiday to show your affection.
Put Jack Clark in right field and let him hit third (oops! The 1982 Giants got mixed in there!).
Most of all? Find someone who likes conversation hearts. And if you really want her to say loving things to her, just ask her to read the candy to you.
Hot stuff!
And pretend that you're really standing up to Big Valentine.
Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor who also hopes this column also substitutes as a Valentine's Day gift for Mrs. Brad. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment