In case you missed the big news, we have a new planetary relative: Earth's "bigger, older cousin."
Mrs. Brad and I are already planning a vacation to Planet Oliver (explanation in next paragraph), where I will be heavier and younger (explanation later).
But still . . . a planetary relative! It's like finding out you have a cousin that you didn't know about, like when Oliver joined the rest of the kids on "The Brady Bunch." (That's the explanation!) Or when Chachi moved in with Fonzie on "Happy Days." Or even when Will came west to live with Carlton's family on "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
Cousins are fun!
The idea that it's a relative comes from NASA, which is smart enough to get a man to the moon and back several times, although in that Tom Hanks movie, it almost didn't work. But you're just trying to distract me by mentioning Ed Harris.
NASA announced a few weeks ago that its Kepler spacecraft (named after former Major League Baseball star Gabe Kapler) discovered a new planet that's a lot like Earth. It's in the constellation Cygnas (named after a health care company) and is located in an area where water is possible, which is more than you can say about a lot of California right now.
Suffice to say, it was big news for the space folks.
"Today, the Earth is a little less lonely," said NASA researcher Jon Jenkins, who didn't address rumors that Earth actually found it's new connection through FarmersOnly.com, the website with talking dogs.
NASA can't tell whether Planet Oliver actually has water or air, but it may have convenience stores where you can overpay for bottled water and buy some air, so it's got that going for it.
The best news, though, is that the planet, officially named Kepler-452b (but commonly called Planet Oliver), is just 1,400 light-years away. I'm not an expert in scientific distances, but I presume that "light-years" are shorter than regular years, kind of a distance equivalent of light beer and light yogurt. So it doesn't seem that far away.
We'll visit.
Jenkins said the planet "almost certainly has an atmosphere," although he didn't clarify if it would be a positive or negative atmosphere, which would have a major effect on whether Mrs. Brad and I would want to make repeat visits to Planet Oliver.
But getting back to what we started talking about, an interesting issue is that gravity on Planet Oliver is thought to be about double that of Earth, which means we would weigh twice as much and would likely need bigger pants, a problem that would be solved by some big-and-tall stores.
The other intriguing side issue is that it takes 385 days to circle its "sun," which means if you lived 50 Earth years, you would only be about 47 on Planet Oliver.
I don't see any negatives. A planet close enough for "light" travel, a new market for big-and-tall clothing stores, a place where you're younger and a chance to meet a long-lost planetary cousin.
I just don't know why you insisted on bringing up Gabe Kapler, light beer and FarmersOnly.com.
Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.
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