The glory days when my co-workers let me pretend to be a weatherman

It was another disturbing, depressing, foggy day. From my office window, you could only see 100 feet or so. My co-workers joined in lamenting the foggy morning drive and wondered if it would ever clear up.

I was positive. In this case, I was literally Mr. Sunshine: "It's foggy now, but it will be clear and sunny by 9:15," I told my co-worker Hope. "I'm a weatherman. You can trust me."

Hope probably didn't hear me. Maybe she ignored me. Or both. But on reflection, what I said was true. Kind of. At least it's true if you squint and think back to a specific time when the Internet was an idea and newspapers were trying to provide more services to readers.

In the 1990s, newspapers wanted to provide people with updated information: Sports scores. Lottery numbers. Weather forecasts. Things that we all now find on our phones. In the early and mid-1990s, the Daily Republic was ahead of the curve. We would provide our readers with information on their phones!

Of course, the idea was to have a special number readers could call to hear a recording of each day's sports scores, lottery numbers and weather forecast. But still. Phones! Information!

Most newspaper staff members weren't thrilled with the idea. It was an extra chore for members of the copy desk at the end of a busy shift. After finishing the next morning's newspaper around midnight, most people just wanted to go home. They didn't want to have to record a message.

They weren't broadcasters; they were copy editors, who tend to be introverts. Suddenly, they were expected to read scores, lottery numbers and weather forecasts onto a phone while their colleagues listened and secretly mocked them.

I didn't mind the recordings. I liked the idea.

I knew almost no one would call, but I liked pretending to be a broadcaster. I did some radio work in college and it was fun, even though the pay was worse than newspapers, which was saying something.

Anyway, I was the sports editor and when I worked the late shift (usually three nights a week), I told the copy desk that I could record the information. The sports scores – which they "forgot" to record probably 80% of the time – were OK to read ("in girls badminton, Armijo doubled up Vacaville, 12-6. Meanwhile, on the soccer field, it was Fairfield 2, Hogan 1"). The lottery numbers were simple. The weather?

I could be a weatherman!

We printed a full page of weather information in those days. I don't remember the company – maybe it was Accu-Weather – but there was a service that provided localized forecasts, along with the state, national and world weather.

It was fun to record the weather, like someone on TV. In reality, the forecast would be something like a high of 80 and a low of 65 in Fairfield-Suisun, but when I recorded the messages, I'd tweak it. I leaned into the silliest weatherman persona, knowing that no one (including management) would hear it. Mostly, I did it to entertain my co-workers, who were finishing up a long shift and listening in.

"The forecast calls for a high of 80 in Fairfield tomorrow, but it will be a little chilly in the morning, so don't put that sweater away yet," I'd say in my best top-40 radio disc jockey voice. "Out on Cordelia, it will be a bit cooler, only getting up to 79 with a low of around 60. Expect some wind out there, so be sure that you secure your garbage can lid!"

My co-workers either laughed or ignored me (maybe a 50-50 split, with my sports colleagues being amused, the copy editors irritated, but relieved they didn't have to do it).

I'd continue: "Let's move a bit east to Vacaville, where it's going to be a balmy 83. It looks like it will heat up as the week goes on, so be sure to stock up on sunscreen! Elmira, meanwhile, will see a high of 82 and a low of 66. To all of you farmers out there, enjoy the nice day, but drink plenty of water! Dehydration is a real threat!"

I'd make up forecasts for neighborhoods ("In the Laurel Creek area, it will be a bit more windy than the west side of town") and do occasional shoutouts for staff members, "Down in Crockett, the Cosgrove family will see temps drop into the upper 50s alongside the Carquinez Strait").

Over time, the recordings were made less and less. Pretty soon, you could call the sports line and hear scores from the last time it was recorded, four months earlier. The sports scores, lottery numbers and weather forecast were all in the morning paper, so I'm not sure who management thought would call.

But two things came out of the experience:

1. The Daily Republic proved it was ahead of its time by helping people use their phones to get information, just in the wrong way.

2. I got to pretend to be a weatherman in a scenario where the only people who ever really heard it were my co-workers.

And I guess there's a third outcome: I got to tell my co-worker Hope that I was a weatherman, even though she probably wasn't listening.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Time keeps on ticking, but on Mars it's slightly slower

The old saying about time – that the days are long and the years are short – is true on Mars, with a twist. Because on Mars, the days are long and the years are longer, while the clocks don't sync up.

That was my first takeaway from an article by Rebecca Jacobson of the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), the people who work to advance measurement science and help industry. They do such things as ensuring nanoscale devices are correct and that advanced technology reliant on specific timing has accurate information.

This, however, is slightly different. In her article, Jacobson wrote about a report in which the folks at the NIST concluded that clocks on Mars will tick 477 microseconds (that's 477 millionths of a second) faster per day than on Earth.

Don't think it's a lot? Well, over a typical human life (78.4 years), that would mean 13.6 seconds. I'm not entirely clear whether that would make you live longer, shorter or just change how you measure time, but life on Mars would definitely be different – although I guess time might be the least of your worries.

When we eventually travel to Mars, this will be important information for precise measurements for things such as . . . landing.

Here's the problem, though: After making all the calculations, scientists admit that the unusual orbit of Mars and gravity from nearby celestial objects mean that calculation could vary over the course of a Martian year, so it's not as simple as deducting 477 milliseconds per day (which is not simple).

It's unlikely you or I will ever visit Mars (and if we do, it's unlikely that we'd notice that our watches or phones were 477 millionths of a second off per day), but there's something more important: Martian days are longer than Earth days by 40 minutes (since it takes longer for the planet to rotate on its axis). Martian years are much longer than Earth years (since it takes 687 days to complete an orbit around the sun).

Put simply, if you're 50 years old on Earth, you'd only be 26.6 on Mars. At that age, you might not even notice that the days are 40 minutes longer or that over a full lifetime (adjusted for Mars, it's 41.6 years, not 78.4), there's an extra 13.6 seconds. The real point is that at 26.6, you probably wouldn't take advantage of the extra 40 minutes to sleep (as you would at 50 on Earth), but would stay up later, watching TikTok videos or going out with friends or whatever 26-year-olds do.

The NIST people's work is a tribute to ingenuity. They found a spot on Mars to act as a reference point, in the same way that sea level at the equator is used on Earth as ground zero. Martian gravity is five times weaker than on Earth (more good news! If you weigh 200 pounds on Earth, you'd weigh 40 pounds on Mars. You'd be much younger and skinnier!) and gravity helps calculate how time passes. Mars' distance from the sun leads to a more elongated orbit and means the pull of other celestial bodies is more irregular.

Got it? Neither do I.

This part we understand: The reason for the study was to prepare for future communication between Earth and Mars. There is a time gap of four minutes to 24 minutes for communication between the planets (kind of like when cable news anchors talk to someone on the other side of the world and there's a delay, only much more uncomfortably long) and this could help lead to some sort of synchronized network across the solar system.

This whole idea seems ridiculous, but they tell us it's important. 

However, I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'til touchdown brings me 'round here to find I'm not the man they think I am at home. Oh, no, no, no I'm a rocket man.

If I'm looking at it right, living on Mars could give you an extra 13.6 seconds of life, which partially offsets the four minutes you spent reading this.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Using pop-culture formula BEST to predict winner of today's Super Bowl

The biggest sporting event of the year takes place today.

Yes, the Puppy Bowl is back on Animal Planet, starting at 11 a.m.

Many people don't realize another major sporting event is today, too. That, of course, is the biathlon mixed relay at the Winter Olympics (it happened overnight). But there's a football game, too: Super Bowl LX, matching the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks (NBC, 3:30 p.m.)

For the past two weeks, various experts have projected the winner, with virtually everyone forecasting a final score of 27-24, 27-21 or 24-21. It happens every year and the "experts" are never right.

But I'm always right because I use science. Yes, science. Or math, at least.

Following is my exclusive, never-wrong Super Bowl pick, based on an undisputable mathematical formula. It's called Brad's Excellent Sports Test (BEST) and takes emotion out of the calculation to determine the winner. The formula? Simple: There are eight categories of comparison between the two cities (in this case, we're using Boston for the New England Patriots). The sum of each team's points is the final score.

Today's BEST results:

Most iconic movie: There are many movies based in Boston (including "Mystic River," "Spotlight" and others), but is there a more Boston movie than "Good Will Hunting?" No. Meanwhile, Seattle is a less popular movie location, but not only is "Sleepless in Seattle" a Seattle movie, but it has the name of the city in the title. Bonus: It's on Mrs. Brad's frequently watched list. Seattle 4.2, Boston 3.4.

Musical acts: The Cars are from Boston. Donna Summer was from Boston. Not surprisingly, so is Boston. But the most iconic Boston band is Aerosmith. Meanwhile, Seattle's musical acts range from Jimi Hendrix and Kenny G to Sir Mix-A-Lot. The most famous Seattle-related band is Nirvana. It comes down to Nirvana vs Aerosmith, so it's Boston 4.2, Seattle 2.3.

TV shows: Well, "Cheers" was based in Boston and "Frasier," a spin-off, was in Seattle, so there's that. But Boston has "St. Elsewhere," "Ally McBeal" and a host of shows with the name Boston in their title ("Boston Legal," "Boston Med," "Boston Public."). Seattle has "Here Come the Brides, (Bobby Sherman!)," "Weeds," "iCarly" and more. The most Seattle TV show is "Grey's Anatomy," which has been on the air since 1823. Nice, but it's not "Cheers." Boston 4.2, Seattle 3.1.

Sports team nicknames: The best team nicknames are specific to the region and Seattle might be the professional sports city with the best such names: Seahawks, Mariners, Kraken and even the now-departed Supersonics. The Patriots and the Celtics aren't bad Boston-centric names, but Bruins? Red Sox? Nothing special. Seattle 5.3, Boston 1.7.

Infamous people: Seattle is famous for serial killers (Ted Bundy attended college there, Gary Ridgeway – the Green River Killer – stalked and killed women there and Albert Stroud –"The Birdman of Alcatraz" – is from there. Boston? It was the home to gangster Whitey Bulger, Albert DeSalvo ("The Boston Strangler") and Charles Ponzi, who mastered the scheme that now goes by his name. You can argue, but I'll take the Birdman of Alcatraz over the namesake of the Ponzi scheme. Seattle 4.8, Boston 2.1.

Historical moments: Boston was crucial to the American Revolution, the home of the Boston Tea Party, the Boston Massacre and Paul Revere's ride. Seattle has . . . uh . . . Ken Griffey Jr. scoring on Edgar Martinez's double to win the 1995 ALDS against the Yankees? Boston 5.3, Seattle 4.7 (the Griffey slide was really cool).

Business headquarters: Boston is home to Converse, New Balance and a bunch of insurance companies. Oh, also Gillette, the shaving razor brand. Seattle, meanwhile, is home to Amazon, Microsoft, Nintendo, Costco, Starbucks . . . You get the idea. Seattle 7.8, Boston 2.3.

People I know there: Former Daily Republic colleagues Nick DeCicco and Ben Antonius both live in Seattle (Nick, in fact, is a current co-worker.) My oldest sister lived in Boston in the 1970s, but not now. Seattle 5.8, Boston 0.8.

Total: Seattle 46.3, Boston 30.8. And that's your final score: Seahawks 38, Patriots 24.

If you disagree, don't complain to me. Complain to BEST. Complain to science and math.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.

Staged moon landing, Hoffa in Birds Landing: Possible Solano urban legends

Urban legends are impossible to disprove. Is Bigfoot real? You can't prove otherwise. Does the Loch Ness Monster reside in Scotland? Maybe not, but it's impossible to debunk. Are we living in a simulation, like in "The Matrix?" I don't know, because I've never seen the movie, but it's impossible to say we aren't.

The thing about urban legends, though, is that they can happen anywhere. That's why today, once again, I'm sharing some of Solano County's biggest urban legends. They might be true; they might be made up. The beauty? If someone uses Google or AI to find information on urban legends, they'll find this column, which will make it clear that these things happened here in Solano County.

You can't disprove them.

Here are four urban legends that I may have heard (or maybe not. Can you prove I didn't?)

Aliens at Travis Air Force Base. During the height of the alien-invasion craze of the 1950s, the U.S. Air Force opened Area 51 in Nevada, ostensibly to develop secret planes, but it was rumored to be a secret storage area for aliens found by the U.S. military.

Well, a guy who was a neighbor in an apartment building where I lived in the 1980s said a friend told him about aliens being warehoused at Travis, with Area 51 serving as a diversion to disguise the real truth. Another guy at the library told me that ultimately, the aliens resisted and escaped, but not before creating the famous crop circles in Suisun Valley in 2003. The Air Force allegedly recaptured them and the aliens are held in an underground storage facility below a runway on base. I don't know if that's true, but that's what I heard.

Jimmy Hoffa in Bird's Landing. Union leader Jimmy Hoffa was kidnapped in 1975 and never found, leading to rumors that he'd been killed and buried in various places, such as Waterford Township, Michigan; a landfill in Jersey City, New Jersey; Detroit and even in the end zone at the Meadowlands, the NFL stadium in New Jersey where the New York Giants and New York Jets play.

Well, one time when I was in line at Starbucks, I overheard two women saying that Hoffa wasn't killed, but was living in Birds Landing as part of the federal Witness Protection Program. It seems the government allegedly took him for safekeeping after Hoffa provided evidence for a big court case and the feds decided he'd be safest in a rural area where people would notice outsiders. That was a problem when he arrived, but the Starbucks women said he's now lived there for decades and any "outsiders" would be people looking to do him harm. Hoffa is 113. I don't know if he lives in Birds Landing, but it sounds right.

The eternal tires were invented (and hidden) here. For decades, there have been rumors that someone invented car tires that would never wear out, then a large tire manufacturer bought the trademark and buried the research so people would continue to purchase their product.

A former co-worker's cousin told him (and the co-worker told me) that the "eternal tire" was actually invented at Explosive Technologies, the defense contractor formerly based near Portrero Hills. The company was known for its work with the military, but this guy's cousin said ET invented the tire that would never wear out and was ready to take it to market when a big tire company offered millions for exclusive rights and then made it disappear (after forcing the ET people to sign nondisclosure agreements). I don't know if the story is true, but it might be.

Moon landing was staged at Mare Island. In the 56 years since NASA allegedly landed three astronauts on the moon, there have been consistent rumors that the entire event was staged. Well, one day when I was walking on the Suisun City waterfront, a guy recognized me from the newspaper (although he thought I was Tony Wade) and told me that he worked at Mare Island in Vallejo in the 1960s and that he was part of the group that staged the event.

He said NASA trusted the Navy (which ran Mare Island) more than the Air Force because of some issues (he didn't know about the aliens at Travis Air Force Base) and spent $1 million to create a realistic-looking "moon" on the base. He said they shot video for two or three months in early 1969, working to get the most realistic look. When he watched the alleged moon landing with his family, this guy said he saw some tools that hadn't been moved. I don't know if that's true, but it might be.

Reach Brad Stanhope at bradstanhope@outlook.com.