What message should we send aliens?

You may have heard the shocking story: Scientists are considering whether we should change our approach to contacting extraterrestrials. After decades of figuratively sitting by the phone, waiting for ET to call, many scientists (when they're not creating toothpaste to make our teeth whiter) now say we should send out messages. We should do the calling!

Not so fast, say others, taking a break from determining the nutritional information for Fruit Roll-Ups (these are things I presume scientists do). They say that we don't know what might be coming and the invitation of alien life to Earth could be disastrous, like when European settlers came to the Americas or when Dennis Miller joined the broadcast crew on "Monday Night Football."

Some scientists, wearing their white jackets and carrying thick books while meeting last week in San Jose, called for a major effort to reach out to other worlds with targeted messages.Their contention is likely that aliens are too busy polishing their laser-gun skills and teleportation devices to contact us, so we need to be the aggressors.

Some disagree, including such people as Stephen Hawking, Elon Musk and other smart guys. They think the result of an alien invitation could be a disaster, as portrayed on "Independence Day" and "Mork & Mindy."

I say it's too late.

We're already beaming things into space, such as when NASA sent the Beatles' song "Across the Universe" into the cosmos or when TV networks spent decades sending signals into space. (If aliens see "I Love Lucy," they'll probably laugh so hard that they can't hurt us!) It's time to stop debating whether to send messages and decide what message to send.

I work in communications. My entire career has been about sending the right message (except that time I accidentally hit "reply all." I deeply regret my error and was joking. It was a joke!)

My suggestions:

First of all, let's make sure that our message is nonthreatening. We don't want aliens to think we're aggressive, so avoid anything involving rap or heavy metal music, professional wrestling or written in all capital letters (even "WE COME IN PEACE" seems threatening).

Second, keep it short. Our civilization has advanced and our attention spans have gotten shorter. It's safe to say that any advanced alien civilization (which is our target audience) has moved past us with communication, likely surpassing smartphone technology with something like sending brainwaves. Advancement means shorter messages. Let's keep ours brief.

Finally, we should be coy. Anyone who has flirted knows that the first person to declare their intentions is at a disadvantage. So rather than telling our potential allies/invaders that we want them to visit us and tell us their secrets, we keep it short and let them make the next move.

My suggestion? We send out a simple message in print, text and a broadcast: "Hi. Single green planet seeks companionship, maybe more. Interested? Phone home. LOL."

The perfect blend of information, intrigue, pop culture and self-awareness.

And if we want to not be coy, maybe this idea, from third grade: "We like you. Do you like us? Yes/No (Circle one)."

Let's get this conversation started and prepare to meet our new overlords.

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

Time doesn't diminish power of a watch

When does a boy become a man?

When he turns 18 or 21? When he graduates from high school? When he drives? When he has sex? When he marries or fathers a child? When he moves out and can pay his own bills? When he acquires some symbol of manhood?

Who knows? But I discovered what I associate with manhood last weekend: A watch, which is crazy.

My stepmother died in December and last weekend I took a road trip to see my 83-year-old dad. He's doing well physically and mentally, but he's 83. And he's my dad. And he's a recent widower.

On Saturday at his house, he casually asked if I was interested in some jewelry, because my stepmother bought him various bracelets and rings over the years. She apparently also purchased an electric razor for him annually – he had a drawer filled with new models. When you have some money and are approaching 80, I guess you stick with what works.

I don't wear jewelry, but didn't want to blow him off. Dad showed me some items, urging me to take them and do whatever I wanted with them. Like me, he doesn't really collect stuff.

I looked at the bracelets, some rings . . . and saw his old watch.

The watch from my childhood.

I was suddenly transported back to childhood. That was the watch he wore the entire time I was a kid – if not the exact model, at least the same style. It was a gold-colored model with a clock face that had no numbers, just hands. It also had one of those "twist-o-flex" wristbands that I associate with having hairs pulled out of my forearms. The watch was probably nothing special – I suspect tens of thousands of businessmen wore them when I was a kid – but that watch reflected my childhood view of what a man wore.

My mom died when I was 7. My dad remarried when I was 8. So my childhood was split between two mothers, but Dad was there all the time. He was my model of a man and his watch was apparently representative of that.

I remember going into his bedroom as a child and putting on his watch. It was way too big for my wrist, but I would flop my hand around to see how it looked to wear a man's watch.

In my boy brain, there would be a day in the future when I would be a man. I would know I was a man because I would wear one of those watches with a twist-o-flex wristband.

I didn't want to be an accountant like Dad – I wanted to be the Giants' radio play-by-play announcer – but I associated adulthood with that style of watch. I still do.

Last Saturday, I swallowed hard and told my dad I would gladly take the watch. I don't know if it works – I suspect it doesn't. I don't know if it fits my wrist – it's probably still too big. I don't know if it's in style – probably not.

But I'm keeping it. Maybe someday I'll grow into it.

I'm now older than my dad was when I moved out of his house. But I still feel like a little kid when I see his watch. Someday, maybe I'll dump my digital Timex watch with the Velcro band for the clock-face, adult twist-o-flex model. Then I'll know I'm a man.

Strange, isn't it?

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

Let's rank top 10 holidays on calendar

The worst major holiday of the year is this Saturday: Valentine's Day.

Being the worst holiday of the year isn't necessarily bad. It's like being the worst cupcake in a bakery or the worst player on a championship team.

Valentine's Day is great holiday if you're young, in love and creative. If you're single, it's a sad reminder. If you're in a relationship, it can be a day of expectations or disappointment. (Not for Mrs. Brad, of course. Every year, I make her a special dinner at the beach, then present her with a personal mix tape before going home to massage her shoulders while we watch "The Bridges of Madison County." I almost kept a straight face while writing that.)

Let's get to the rankings. You could make the case that I should have included Mother's Day and Father's Day, but they are made by Hallmark. Kind of like Valentine's Day, now that I think of it.

10. Valentine's Day. Frankly, it ranks behind Presidents Day and even Groundhog Day among February holidays.

9. Presidents Day. It's a school and government holiday, but a regular day everywhere else. Whose birthday is it? The official name is Washington's Birthday (according to the federal government), but we've had 44 presidents and it's called Presidents Day. And no one has ever wished me "Happy Presidents Day."

8. Labor Day. The bookend to summer with Memorial Day, this can be foreboding. It's the last great weekend of summer, so even if the weather is spectacular, we know what's coming: A cold, dark, wet winter.

7. Easter. The most important day for Christians (including me), but it's largely fallen from importance as a U.S. holiday, mostly because there's no vacation. Nothing combines the sacred with the silly (egg hunts? Chocolate bunnies? Peeps?). Most people consider this very important or not important at all, so it ranks seventh.

6. Fourth of July. Cookouts, fireworks, parades. Is there anything better suited for America's birthday? The only downside: It's a fixed date, so it sometimes falls in the middle of the week, requiring us to return to work the next morning, after hearing our idiot neighbors set off fireworks all night.

5. Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Quickly moving up the list because it's become a day of public service. It took a long time to get recognized, but now many organizations and companies embrace it as a day where people do things to help others in their community. We honor King's memory by following his example.

4. New Year's Eve/Day. It's awesome if you're a 25-year-old party animal. For non-drinkers like me or serious drinkers who consider it "amateur night," not so much. The start of the college football semifinals this year reclaimed New Year's Day for great football, at least.

3. Christmas. Routinely considered No. 1, I have it this low for a reason: It seems like the longest day of the year (actually, it's the fourth), particularly if you have young kids. The magic of the season is wonderful, but Dec. 25 begins with fireworks at 6:30 a.m. By 9 a.m., it's over except for a series of NBA games. I love Christmas season, but Christmas Day doesn't rank as high.

2. Thanksgiving. Food, family, football with very little pressure to do anything more than eat. And it kicks off the Christmas season, which makes it fun, too.

1. Memorial Day. Think of what it means: The start of summer. We start all the fun of the three-month season with a day off. Look at it this way: Even if it rains, great weather is coming. It's the most optimistic holiday. Just more than three months to go! (And yes, I just wrote about Memorial Day while ignoring what it's meant to recognize. Forgive me.)

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.

Everything you need to know about Super Bowl

America's greatest national holiday is today, when we watch Katy Perry sing a medley of songs that we vaguely recognize, laugh and cry after watching 30-second commercials and pass judgment on Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth as announcers.

Oh, and watch two teams that are not very likeable play for the championship.

The start of a one-year hiatus from Roman numerals may be the most significant thing about Super Bowl XLIX. When they play the Super Bowl next year in Santa Clara, they will move away from the self-important labeling that officially started with the Vth version. It will be Super Bowl 50! (My hope: In an ironic move, Levi's Stadium becomes known as "the home of the San Francisco XLIXers" next year.) Unfortunately, it appears that the Roman numerals will return the following year with Super Bowl LI.

Oh, NFL. You're so complicated!

Anyway, with the game kicking off today at 3:30 p.m. (don't be fooled by all the pre-game hype. The game actually starts at 3:30 p.m.), here are a few rambling thoughts from a former sports editor.

Deflategate

The New England Patriots got caught cheating (again) when it was revealed that the footballs they used in the AFC Championship game were underinflated, making them easier to throw and catch. Their reaction has been to deny, deflect and act like the criticism is unfair, but clearly something happened. It wasn't on accident.

Most of us didn't realize that the NFL doesn't take care of all game-ball preparation. Teams prepare their own balls, then have refs check them? Each team provides their own balls for their offense? What is this, middle school flag football?

In addition to the obvious move (the NFL will take responsibility for the balls starting next year), here's an appropriate punishment for the Patriots: Let the Seahawks prepare the balls for both teams today. The Patriots could be forced to alternately play with totally deflated balls (good luck throwing them!) and ridiculously overinflated balls that are impossible to grip and break fingers of those who catch them. Let the punishment fit the crime.

Surly Seahawks

The Seattle Seahawks have a reputation of being loud and obnoxious, except when they're silent and obnoxious. Remember last year, when Richard Sherman shouted at Fox's Erin Andrews after beating the 49ers? Or this year, when receiver Doug Baldwin yelled at reporters for "doubting" the Seahawks after their remarkable win in the NFC Championship game? Or this past week, when Marshawn Lynch angered media members and the 15 people who care about NFL Media Day when he showed up but defiantly refused to answer questions?

Here's the solution: Ignore them.

If Seattle wins, talk to Coach Pete Carroll, but don't put a single player on TV for a postgame interview. Russell Wilson didn't participate in the obnoxious behavior? Too bad, his teammates did. The media should do what society has chosen to do to harmless bad behavior for a long time: Realize the perpetrators are doing it to get attention, so ignore them. They'll probably change their behavior. If not, at least we won't have to watch.

Halftime show

Choosing Katy Perry to do today's halftime concert continues the NFL's move to target a younger demographic while still keeping it safe. My suggestion? A big stunt at halftime: A David Blaine-type illusion-magic show. Robbie Knievel jumping a motorcycle over 15 team buses. Nik Wallenda walking a tightrope over the stadium. Or something that would blow up social media: A Justin Bieber concert. I'd certainly watch it.

Prediction

Team Ruff will beat Team Fluff in Puppy Bowl XI (kickoff at noon on Animal Planet).

Brad Stanhope is a former Daily Republic editor. Reach him at bradstanhope@hotmail.com.